Terran's Blog! Back by popular demand! 
So, I had an interesting night. Had one of those "tipsy" conversations with a good friend about relationships and polyamory and on and on and on. It's very sad to hear about when people you care about who have been together for a long time are having problems, but it highlights some of the difficulties that result from the traditional relationship paradigm. Her thought was, "Why can't things be a bit more fluid . . . we have our relationships with the people we care about, but sometimes there's something additional that comes along, and if only we could explore that without hurting the other person so badly." Yes, and in both my past experience and her past experience, it's been the "new" person that has presented the difficulty.
"I don't know nothin' about this multiple person stuff . . . I want you to leave the person you're with to be with me and only me."
Meh.
But I see the other side of it, too. We spend our lives looking for this goal. We want to fine that perfect person and then create a mutually exclusive relationship where we're everything to each other and we never need anyone or anything else. I used to be that way myself. The first time I was presented with a poly-type of situation, I was appalled. My girlfriend at the time talked about her and her lady friend sharing their boyfriends, and it weirded me out to no end. I just couldn't grasp it. Five years later (long after THAT ship had sailed), I'd done a 180 and it was all I could see being a realistic scenario for a healthy relationship. Go figure. But I can definitely see how that traditional perspective can block out anything out of the ordinary. So difficult.
Especially for all of us 30-somethings with steady relationships and no kids.
I've thought a lot about multiple-adult households. I think it would be nice. So much more . . . lively than two people living together and doing their own things and maybe eating dinner together and maybe not. Dammit, I want a family, not just a roommate. Wouldn't it be nice to say, "You know, I think tonight I'm going to spend the night with Joe instead of Jim. Yeah, that'd be fuckin' sweet." But it hurts people so much to have somebody else involved with "your woman." I know it does. I've been there.
And speaking of being there, what the hell happened to me somewhere along the line to go from, "OH MY GOD I'D FUCKING KILL YOU IF I CAUGHT YOU IN BED WITH SOMEBODY ELSE" to "OH MY GOD I'D GET OFF SO FUCKING GREAT IF I CAME HOME ONE DAY TO SEE YOU FUCKING ANOTHER GUY." Because really, that transition happened almost overnight for me. It was almost literally like one day, her sleeping with somebody else would kill me, and the next, it was the greatest, most fucking awesome thought in the entire universe and OH MY GOD HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT EVER EXPERIENCING GETTING TO SEE THIS.
It's like a razor's edge, you know? Agony and ecstasy within millimeters of each other, and you can walk that edge never knowing which way you might tip from one moment to the next. But it's living, and I'll take a real, serious attempt at life any day over the kind of living death that occurs when you go about your day afraid of your own shadow. Afraid that you'll realize your worst fears . . . Oh my god, your woman got sexual gratification from someone else!!! (Dear sweet Jesus, what if his dick's bigger than mine????) Classic John Cusack quote from High Fidelity: "No one in the history of the world has ever had better sex than the sex they're having right now . . . IN MY HEAD."
If you really love somebody, if you're close enough to that person that her joy truly becomes your joy, through and through, then whatever joy she experiences, whether provided by you or by someone else, should still belong to you and be enjoyed by you, no matter what. I wonder how many people go through life without ever realizing the amazing ecstasy that can come with knowing your partner is having the time of her life. By getting to experience her fulfillment vicariously. Or maybe I'm crazy and I'm just a dirty fucking pervert. Either way, I dig my life and this is the only me I know how to be. Deal with it motherfuckers!
That's it for now brothers and sisters, I'll try to keep up on my thoughts a bit more frequently in the future. Peace, and love each other with all your worth or I'll kick your asses! I mean it. I'm watching you.
Life's too harsh and brief for regrets and remorse. Lovin' it, babies.
-T
So, I had an interesting night. Had one of those "tipsy" conversations with a good friend about relationships and polyamory and on and on and on. It's very sad to hear about when people you care about who have been together for a long time are having problems, but it highlights some of the difficulties that result from the traditional relationship paradigm. Her thought was, "Why can't things be a bit more fluid . . . we have our relationships with the people we care about, but sometimes there's something additional that comes along, and if only we could explore that without hurting the other person so badly." Yes, and in both my past experience and her past experience, it's been the "new" person that has presented the difficulty.
"I don't know nothin' about this multiple person stuff . . . I want you to leave the person you're with to be with me and only me."
Meh.
But I see the other side of it, too. We spend our lives looking for this goal. We want to fine that perfect person and then create a mutually exclusive relationship where we're everything to each other and we never need anyone or anything else. I used to be that way myself. The first time I was presented with a poly-type of situation, I was appalled. My girlfriend at the time talked about her and her lady friend sharing their boyfriends, and it weirded me out to no end. I just couldn't grasp it. Five years later (long after THAT ship had sailed), I'd done a 180 and it was all I could see being a realistic scenario for a healthy relationship. Go figure. But I can definitely see how that traditional perspective can block out anything out of the ordinary. So difficult.
Especially for all of us 30-somethings with steady relationships and no kids.
I've thought a lot about multiple-adult households. I think it would be nice. So much more . . . lively than two people living together and doing their own things and maybe eating dinner together and maybe not. Dammit, I want a family, not just a roommate. Wouldn't it be nice to say, "You know, I think tonight I'm going to spend the night with Joe instead of Jim. Yeah, that'd be fuckin' sweet." But it hurts people so much to have somebody else involved with "your woman." I know it does. I've been there.
And speaking of being there, what the hell happened to me somewhere along the line to go from, "OH MY GOD I'D FUCKING KILL YOU IF I CAUGHT YOU IN BED WITH SOMEBODY ELSE" to "OH MY GOD I'D GET OFF SO FUCKING GREAT IF I CAME HOME ONE DAY TO SEE YOU FUCKING ANOTHER GUY." Because really, that transition happened almost overnight for me. It was almost literally like one day, her sleeping with somebody else would kill me, and the next, it was the greatest, most fucking awesome thought in the entire universe and OH MY GOD HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT EVER EXPERIENCING GETTING TO SEE THIS.
It's like a razor's edge, you know? Agony and ecstasy within millimeters of each other, and you can walk that edge never knowing which way you might tip from one moment to the next. But it's living, and I'll take a real, serious attempt at life any day over the kind of living death that occurs when you go about your day afraid of your own shadow. Afraid that you'll realize your worst fears . . . Oh my god, your woman got sexual gratification from someone else!!! (Dear sweet Jesus, what if his dick's bigger than mine????) Classic John Cusack quote from High Fidelity: "No one in the history of the world has ever had better sex than the sex they're having right now . . . IN MY HEAD."
If you really love somebody, if you're close enough to that person that her joy truly becomes your joy, through and through, then whatever joy she experiences, whether provided by you or by someone else, should still belong to you and be enjoyed by you, no matter what. I wonder how many people go through life without ever realizing the amazing ecstasy that can come with knowing your partner is having the time of her life. By getting to experience her fulfillment vicariously. Or maybe I'm crazy and I'm just a dirty fucking pervert. Either way, I dig my life and this is the only me I know how to be. Deal with it motherfuckers!
That's it for now brothers and sisters, I'll try to keep up on my thoughts a bit more frequently in the future. Peace, and love each other with all your worth or I'll kick your asses! I mean it. I'm watching you.
Life's too harsh and brief for regrets and remorse. Lovin' it, babies.
-T