Think on these words: "I can't live without you."
Hmm. I just don't see the romance in it anymore.
Because that's the romantic ideal in our society, isn't it? A love so strong that one person just couldn't possibly bear to exist without the other? The idea that there's just this intense need for the other person.
How much greater is desire, and choice, than need?
Truly. Need implies a kind of sad desperation to me. If you need someone--if you have grown so attached that it would be like death to be without them--then haven't you in fact lost all choice in the matter? Isn't it far greater to desire and choose someone than to need them?
Don't know what got me thinking about this lately. God knows nobody's said it to me in a good long while. Guess I've just been thinking on what has historically kept me apart from other people . . . severed me from more meaningful relationships. OK, there's a laundry list of items that could qualify, but this one's on my mind for some reason.
I had a girlfriend once . . . cute little Jewish girl, but crazy as all getout . . . anyway, she watched foreign films all the time, and there was one French flick she watched where there were two people, a pair of older folks, man and woman, and they were going to get together because they were a perfect match. And they went on some trip together, a vacation getaway, and they had a perfectly fabulous time but decided to break it off afterward. When her friend asked why, the woman said, "He didn't need me." And my girlfriend at the time turns to me and says, "It's you."
It's true that I don't have a great sense of need for another person. I've been there once, but it left me brutally hurt . . . until that point, I had never known that emotional trauma could cause such tangible, physical agony. I'm fairly certain that I'll never need another person again as long as I live. Maybe some folks would see me as being damaged in that respect. But how much greater is it, how much more romantic, when you are free of need, to truly desire someone? For them to know that you are not some pathetic scavenger in your desperation for companionship, and yet you desire them all the same? That they are your choice rather than your anchor?
I wonder if this makes me a lost cause for future relationships. That the vast majority of people have such an innate preference for being needed by another person that it forever dooms my prospects. Or perhaps I misjudge . . . maybe the illusory majority is not quite as vast as I imagine. Time will tell. It's not as though I'm in a panic to find out.
Hmm. I just don't see the romance in it anymore.
Because that's the romantic ideal in our society, isn't it? A love so strong that one person just couldn't possibly bear to exist without the other? The idea that there's just this intense need for the other person.
How much greater is desire, and choice, than need?
Truly. Need implies a kind of sad desperation to me. If you need someone--if you have grown so attached that it would be like death to be without them--then haven't you in fact lost all choice in the matter? Isn't it far greater to desire and choose someone than to need them?
Don't know what got me thinking about this lately. God knows nobody's said it to me in a good long while. Guess I've just been thinking on what has historically kept me apart from other people . . . severed me from more meaningful relationships. OK, there's a laundry list of items that could qualify, but this one's on my mind for some reason.
I had a girlfriend once . . . cute little Jewish girl, but crazy as all getout . . . anyway, she watched foreign films all the time, and there was one French flick she watched where there were two people, a pair of older folks, man and woman, and they were going to get together because they were a perfect match. And they went on some trip together, a vacation getaway, and they had a perfectly fabulous time but decided to break it off afterward. When her friend asked why, the woman said, "He didn't need me." And my girlfriend at the time turns to me and says, "It's you."
It's true that I don't have a great sense of need for another person. I've been there once, but it left me brutally hurt . . . until that point, I had never known that emotional trauma could cause such tangible, physical agony. I'm fairly certain that I'll never need another person again as long as I live. Maybe some folks would see me as being damaged in that respect. But how much greater is it, how much more romantic, when you are free of need, to truly desire someone? For them to know that you are not some pathetic scavenger in your desperation for companionship, and yet you desire them all the same? That they are your choice rather than your anchor?
I wonder if this makes me a lost cause for future relationships. That the vast majority of people have such an innate preference for being needed by another person that it forever dooms my prospects. Or perhaps I misjudge . . . maybe the illusory majority is not quite as vast as I imagine. Time will tell. It's not as though I'm in a panic to find out.
But i talked to my friend about it and he pointed out that needing him is really not healthy. I thought a lot about all he said that day and I relized.. needing him makes me weak. It is a charactor flaw that I no longer wish to have. So now I don't do it anymore. I can accept that he's not always going to be happy, and I'm ok with that. I can still feel as intense about him without being dependant on him. We had another similar argument a month later and I felt so proud of the way I handeled myself. I feel like a stronger person now. We talked a lot, I told him how I really felt, and I didn't fall apart. One person should not be capable of distroying your whole world like that. I feel better. And we haven't arguged for a while, things are flowing a bit smoother.