Well, I shall be returning to work after an extended stay at home with the mystery illness. Im sure it was the flu, but I couldnt stay awake long enough to go to my doctor to confirm it. After multiple days of wearing two sweatshirts and burrowing under an electric blanket, I have finally opened the shades (and windows) and have my voice back. In case you suspect you are coming down with the Terra-flu, here is a list of questions to answer and share with your doctor:
Is this you?
(1) Your nose and lips look like you have been dragged, face-first, across a stucco driveway
(2) You have used up your yearly recommended allowance of sodium, due to a new found love for Campbells soup
(3) You have to wash taco sauce out of your comforter after trying to eat everything spicy in your house in an attempt to unclog your sinuses
(4) Your only blessing is that you cant smell anything, and you begin to wonder, with morbid amusement, just what kind of stench is brewing around you and your apartment
(5) Finishing a cup of coffee is too exhausting
(6) Every muscle in your body hurts and you didnt go skiing or have acrobatic sex the night before
(7) You begin crying hysterically when the downstairs neighbor blares Sweet Home Alabama for the twentieth time*
(8) You find yourself watching Frasier reruns and infomercials because your remote control is buried under a mountain of tissues
(9) You begin wondering if a tonsillectomy is really all that difficult to do with a sufficient supply of Dimetapp and a soup spoon
(10) You cant remember the last time you shaved your underarms, plucked your brows, or trimmed your bikini line, but youre starting to embrace the look
*note: if you begin sorting through the utensil drawer for a sharp knife and make plans to dash downstairs in agony, thats not sickness: youre perfectly normal
If you answered YES to 8 or more of the above, you might have broken through my quarantine and should cancel all plans for the next week: you wont be leaving the bed, much less the house, for quite some time. Oh, and the CDC will be scooping you up in no time.
In all seriousness, I hope everyone is well. This is a sucky time to get sick, since the weather is FINALLY brightening! I send air kisses to all from behind my infectious disease bubble.
Is this you?
(1) Your nose and lips look like you have been dragged, face-first, across a stucco driveway
(2) You have used up your yearly recommended allowance of sodium, due to a new found love for Campbells soup
(3) You have to wash taco sauce out of your comforter after trying to eat everything spicy in your house in an attempt to unclog your sinuses
(4) Your only blessing is that you cant smell anything, and you begin to wonder, with morbid amusement, just what kind of stench is brewing around you and your apartment
(5) Finishing a cup of coffee is too exhausting
(6) Every muscle in your body hurts and you didnt go skiing or have acrobatic sex the night before
(7) You begin crying hysterically when the downstairs neighbor blares Sweet Home Alabama for the twentieth time*
(8) You find yourself watching Frasier reruns and infomercials because your remote control is buried under a mountain of tissues
(9) You begin wondering if a tonsillectomy is really all that difficult to do with a sufficient supply of Dimetapp and a soup spoon
(10) You cant remember the last time you shaved your underarms, plucked your brows, or trimmed your bikini line, but youre starting to embrace the look
*note: if you begin sorting through the utensil drawer for a sharp knife and make plans to dash downstairs in agony, thats not sickness: youre perfectly normal
If you answered YES to 8 or more of the above, you might have broken through my quarantine and should cancel all plans for the next week: you wont be leaving the bed, much less the house, for quite some time. Oh, and the CDC will be scooping you up in no time.
In all seriousness, I hope everyone is well. This is a sucky time to get sick, since the weather is FINALLY brightening! I send air kisses to all from behind my infectious disease bubble.
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ps. what do you mean hal sparks has left the building? i can still see him on here.
[Edited on May 26, 2006 2:47AM]
Hope you feel better.