teresaannamae

144

going down!


15 days till 2005!





I finally got balls and cleared my conscience.
I called Mel, the girl I never called back and pricked off on. I aplologised and explained that I'm sorry for being inconsiderate and selfish, that she didn't deserve it. Then we talked on the phone for 3 hours
I feel so much better, what I did was haunting me every day, eating away at my conscience. I'm so glad we're talking again. I'm not sure if we'll date or if we'll just be friends- but either or. I really get along with this girl and she makes me laugh and I make her laugh and we can talk talk talk and we have all the same views, basically. All that is so hard to find for me, I feel so comfortable around her.
I really missed her, I'm a sappy, confusing idiot.

BUT ACTUALLY:

If anyone really wants to know, this is a very accurate description of me:


Helpful and polite, thoughtful and considerate (excluding my actions with mel, of course. hah). With a touch of odd and quirk. This is me, Teresa. I'm curious and creative and determined to figure everything out.
Oh, and I love to dance and watch people.


That's me in a nut shell.
Really, truely, and honestly.



Fuck, I hit a low yesterday. Where do these come from? Are they valid or skewed? I don't really get it- but I've always been this way.
I used to think it was bipolar, but it's too quick. Could it be PMDD? I just lose myself for a few days, slip into a suicidal slump where I don't understand why I should live, I don't understand myself and the world.. everything I know and love goes missing, gets lost.. why? I don't get it.. And then I snap out of it.
Always.
And I know even when I'm IN the slump that I will be find in a few days, I know I'll come back- something just snaps in my brain and I'm happy again. Literally- just like a snap of the fingers. I know in the back of my brain how dumb everything is that I'm feeling, how much I should be happy- that the world is a beautiful place.. but the negative thoughts consume me and tear me up inside.
Why?
hmh.


I'm listening to Tegan and Sara.
I feel really peaceful.
My moods are FUCKED and i guess thats me? hahahaha!!!!!!

I'm going to step out of this apartment today and look at the world and think how beautiful it is. Yesterday I walked out and said "FUCK, KILL ME! Let me drown in Halifax Harbour, no one will miss me- i'm pointless."
I see the games, I see everyone's games.. I hate the games, but..

Everything is nothing, but nothing is everything.
That phrase is consuming my head lately and I'm trying to get a grasp on everything, it's better today.

Do you know what i mean?

Like.. what ARE we? WHY are we HERE? Are we someone's experiment? We all have our own worlds.. who's keeping track? Why does it matter? I don't fucking get it, it kills me. hahaha.

I'm insane. I really do want to figure everything out.
Even why Lucille's friend gets uptight around me.. I'm really not hard to talk to- what's in her brains?






Anyways- this Christmas should score me some HCA.
I miss HCA.


Hot Cuddling Action, bitches!

mmm. Donna or Mel.. choose one, don't be a playa playa!

And I'll leave you with a tasty little quote from Snoop Dogg's song 'The Bidness' from his newest CD "Rhythm and Gangster"...



I might floss a different bitch, but the pimpin' the same.



roflamo! hahaha.
Snoop is crazy, pimps and hoes. What a life, he loves it and kudos to him. I love the diversity in this world, even Snoop. he's supaflysmooth.


I smell SO HOT. Trust me, I smell delicious.


What's to come?

♥t



ps;



getting smaller!