teresaannamae

i'm sick with myself.

i'm making myself sick.

i feel like i wish i could be sick.

my willpower against food doesn't exist.
i'm always eating.
other people notice this too.
food is stunting my creativity- think of all the other things i could be doing instead of eating? and what does this food do? NOTHING. beacuse it's in excess and it just stores as fat and makes me tired and depressed and broke. it's pointless. but i just can't not eat all the time. it's there.. i see it, i need it.. it consumes my mind when i ignore it.
there's something wrong with me.
i should schedule in my food, keep track of what i eat and my feelings afterwards and how hungry i actually was.
because i never eat out of hunger, i eat out of compulsion and obsession.

I WANT THIS TO GO AWAY.

Rules exist with food. Guidelines. I need to realise this.
Food is not a scapegoat, food is not a passtime, food is not a procrastination tool. Food is there to keep out body moving and working properly and we only need so much, DAMNIT.
Not food in excess, that's BAD. BAD BAD BAD, you KNOW this, teresa. you KNOW this. why can't you abide to this one simple fucking thing? WHY?? You can do everything else, you've learned from your mistakes.. what the fuck is it going to take for me to be able to turn down food?

if i could eat like a fucking normal person i would:

-save money
-lose weight
-have less stress
-paint more
-be healthier
-be happier
-feel more confident


because all this excess consumption is doing to me is :

-making me gain weight.
-creating feelings of worthlessness.
-making me feel like i fuck everything up.
-playing with my moods.
-discouraging me from being social.






i'm sorry for the negative post, but i need some feedback.
i need to get this out.

i love you all.
♥t