My heart beats blue.
Beats red.
Beats BLACK.
I'm having a huge crisis.
I cut my hairs and they're too short. I hate all my clothes. I feel like I'm going no where, doing nothing, contributing nothing, learning nothing. I need money. I need great lengths. I need more friends. I need to lose weight. I need some plates to smash.
Stupid suicidal thoughts. I wish they would go away, but every time i shut a door i want my head in there so i can snap it off. And every time I fry something I want to slam the smouldering pan into my face. Every wall I touch I want to break with my head. My body is just shaking and I hate this.
i don't know what to do.
I don't even know what to fucking eat.
I don't know what to say.
How to act, how to dress. I'm so confused here. I'm not going to fall behind, and no one is going to steal my position. I want to be the best. Gahdamnit. I'm to internally competative for my own good, but it's a part of me that I can't kill off. I just need to do what I want to do. I need to keep on livin' and learning and loving.
CHEESE.
Someone lock me in a room with paint and water.
I'm listening to 50 cent.
I hate all my music too.
Buy me a new hardrive.
Fuck.
I feel insane.
And I can't talk to anyone.
I don't know what I would do without this journal.
xxx
Teresa
Beats red.
Beats BLACK.
I'm having a huge crisis.
I cut my hairs and they're too short. I hate all my clothes. I feel like I'm going no where, doing nothing, contributing nothing, learning nothing. I need money. I need great lengths. I need more friends. I need to lose weight. I need some plates to smash.
Stupid suicidal thoughts. I wish they would go away, but every time i shut a door i want my head in there so i can snap it off. And every time I fry something I want to slam the smouldering pan into my face. Every wall I touch I want to break with my head. My body is just shaking and I hate this.
i don't know what to do.
I don't even know what to fucking eat.
I don't know what to say.
How to act, how to dress. I'm so confused here. I'm not going to fall behind, and no one is going to steal my position. I want to be the best. Gahdamnit. I'm to internally competative for my own good, but it's a part of me that I can't kill off. I just need to do what I want to do. I need to keep on livin' and learning and loving.
CHEESE.
Someone lock me in a room with paint and water.
I'm listening to 50 cent.
I hate all my music too.
Buy me a new hardrive.
Fuck.
I feel insane.
And I can't talk to anyone.
I don't know what I would do without this journal.
xxx
Teresa
if it makes you feel anybetter.. i look up to you in a way that you might not understand. you are so cute and care about the pretty things in life. I wish I had that in me. Dunno if that makes any sense!? I feel old and frumpy and no where near as puck rock as I want to be.
Where did you end up living? If you are in the towers then we are neighbours... sucks that I'm so anti-social.
Good luck with yer computer problems!