terental

Seems like this is my favorite place to go when im drunk in the middle of the night. Well i must not be that drunk cause i am typing. my plan isn't working. went to the bars on a thursday night. now im drowning my sorrows to the arcade fire lp. what a weird night. partially good. did some shit i told myself i wasn't going to do again. hung out with my roomates stepmoms nephew, if that makes any scence? cant spell. he is the kind of person i try to stay away from. pretentious, burnt out and full of sarcastic (so he thinks) funny remarks. i know im young but im not an imature little prick. i know whats going on. this guy has lived here for like 18 years so he thinks that he is king of the scene or whatever. fuck that, i hate your scene. i dont put on a front around people who are different than me and hate it when other people do. i told this guy i was a cook at rubicon and automaticaly he has to tell me that he knows everybody in the buisiness. I FUCKING HATE NAME DROPPING. i could sit here and tell everyone i speak to about how i know people in bands but i dont because that is not what defines ME. If i fit any stereotypes fuck it most of my friends are into total different shit. Its not about scenes, its about finding people who are real and dont care about that bullshit. ive made only a few true friends here because so many people that i meet are too cool to hang out with my friends that are not into the same music or into fashion or some stupid shit. i guess im mad about this because i catch myself thinking these things sometimes. i met this guy through a friend and he is a model for some pretty big designers. automaticly i thnk he is just one of "those guys" but when i got to know him he turned out to be ome of the coolest, etc., people i have met any where i have lived. it made me realize that good people arent good people just because you have things in common. ive been pretty sad that i havent made many friends in the year and a half i have lived hear, but also made me appreciate the 4 or 5 people here that are really close to me. ok no more arcade fire, im getting depressed. some of the songs on the funeral cd remind me alot of the bright eyes, i dont know why. oh canada, i wish i could understand my obsession. anyone want to put me up for a few weeks? dont worry im mellow as a person can get, well, maybe not, ha. i love sf, great music, art, venues, and what not, but i feel lost here. I mean i know what im doing with my profession and all that and i realize this city is a culinary mecha, but socialy im not used to meating someone and then never seeing them again. sometimes i think its the whole city aspect but ive lived in denver, philly, tampa to name a few and it was totally different. i dont know maybe i have just changed more than i realize in the past few years. wow, i think this is my first vent on a journal entry. not too bad for being drunk all day. "Smacks my hand" bad brett, no more drunkenness, you know what it leads to. so on the bright side ive almost got a new song written. different from my other half ass melodic stuff. kinda twangy, maybe even folk? feels good to pic up the old aria. my ex gave me that guitar just cause. she was the one who got away. anyways i thin i need to puke.