Dear Joe,
I knew this day would come. That eventually it'd be a decade since you left. Back then I thought it'd get easier everyday but I was wrong. I can't believe it's been 10 years since the accident. You never got to go to prom or graduate. You never decided on which college you'd attend and play football for. You didn't get to see your little sisters grow up.
....I never got to see you again.
There's not a day that goes by without me thinking of you. Without me wanting to hold your hand or experience your (shitty and scary) driving. I still want to know who dropped the ketchup bottle. I have dreamt of you a couple times (as if you don't know). We were just sitting at the table talking but we were grown up.We weren't the clueless kids we once were.
I wonder where you would have been. What college you would he kicked ass at. What lucky chick you would have married. Who would've had kids first. I know that no matter where your life was to take you, you and I would always be friends. Always ragging on one another. Always knowing what the other was thinking.
When I got engaged last month, my mom called me to tell me that you talked to your mom about me. Telling her that I've made the right decision (finally). That I was going to be taken care of. This has brought some peace to my heart. Knowing that you still are there, looking out for me. No words can describe how this makes me feel.
As cliche as it is, it's true.... there was a part of me that died with you that day. But in the rest of my soul, you are living. Everyday I am reminded of you. I'm reminded of how goofy and strong and lovable you were. Of how you made friends no matter the crowd.
I'm trying to come with peace with all this. It's taken a long time for me to stop blaming myself. I've gone through a lot of bad shit, punishing myself for letting you down. For not calling you back. For not hanging out like we had planned. But I know that it was your time. That even if we did spend the time together as planned, you still would have been taken from us.
I will never understand why everything happened that day. What your last thoughts were. If you were scared. All I know is that on April 18, 2002 my best friend drowned. I think of you morning, noon and night and I will never forget the inspiration you were to me and others.
So on this 10 year anniversary of your death, I'm promising to stop living in the past. To stop living with regret and anger and to live for now. I know this is what you'd want. I carry around the Saint Joseph medallion Mimi gave me 2 years ago. It makes me feel safe.
We all miss you so damn much and I know that one day (many, many years from now) we will meet again. I love you, Joey. Always did and always will.
I knew this day would come. That eventually it'd be a decade since you left. Back then I thought it'd get easier everyday but I was wrong. I can't believe it's been 10 years since the accident. You never got to go to prom or graduate. You never decided on which college you'd attend and play football for. You didn't get to see your little sisters grow up.
....I never got to see you again.
There's not a day that goes by without me thinking of you. Without me wanting to hold your hand or experience your (shitty and scary) driving. I still want to know who dropped the ketchup bottle. I have dreamt of you a couple times (as if you don't know). We were just sitting at the table talking but we were grown up.We weren't the clueless kids we once were.
I wonder where you would have been. What college you would he kicked ass at. What lucky chick you would have married. Who would've had kids first. I know that no matter where your life was to take you, you and I would always be friends. Always ragging on one another. Always knowing what the other was thinking.
When I got engaged last month, my mom called me to tell me that you talked to your mom about me. Telling her that I've made the right decision (finally). That I was going to be taken care of. This has brought some peace to my heart. Knowing that you still are there, looking out for me. No words can describe how this makes me feel.
As cliche as it is, it's true.... there was a part of me that died with you that day. But in the rest of my soul, you are living. Everyday I am reminded of you. I'm reminded of how goofy and strong and lovable you were. Of how you made friends no matter the crowd.
I'm trying to come with peace with all this. It's taken a long time for me to stop blaming myself. I've gone through a lot of bad shit, punishing myself for letting you down. For not calling you back. For not hanging out like we had planned. But I know that it was your time. That even if we did spend the time together as planned, you still would have been taken from us.
I will never understand why everything happened that day. What your last thoughts were. If you were scared. All I know is that on April 18, 2002 my best friend drowned. I think of you morning, noon and night and I will never forget the inspiration you were to me and others.
So on this 10 year anniversary of your death, I'm promising to stop living in the past. To stop living with regret and anger and to live for now. I know this is what you'd want. I carry around the Saint Joseph medallion Mimi gave me 2 years ago. It makes me feel safe.
We all miss you so damn much and I know that one day (many, many years from now) we will meet again. I love you, Joey. Always did and always will.
chipdanger:
Really beautiful. Sorry for your loss. I think he'd be really proud of you.