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tequilaraymax

United Kingdom

Member Since 2004

Followers 13 Following 22

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Monday Oct 18, 2004

Oct 18, 2004
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God, I just came across the old guestbook from a website for a band I was in years ago - the nearest I came so far to getting what I want in this life. We split, because, well, too many shitty little unresolvable reasons, really.

The guestbook was full of despairing fans, lamenting the split of the band, begging us to re-consider and asking for a "proper" explanation.

It was really touching.

Thing is, it's easy to distort the memory of what happened. Everyone thought we were really nearly there and etc, but on the inside of things... it just wasn't pretty. We were earmarked, it seems, to become the one band that didn't get there, when all our friends bands - themselves huge fans of ours - leapfrogged us on the way to getting signed and becoming succesful. Hell, our signature on every email we sent out proclaimed the band as "...always the bridesmaid, never the bride..."

Plus, a good half of those posts were from the predictable people - I guess every band has a hardcore following, and usual a handful of them are near fanatical. I'm not discounting the importance of their support when we were doing our thing, but... it's not like all those posts were strangers coming out of the woodwork that we weren't aware of. But then, some of them were.

The music was good. Routed in it's time. We'ed have needed to develop more to survive, but certain of our songs still rock my world now - I just went back to listen to them, and I was surprised.

Gah. This isn't so much about regret... in a way it's almost theraputic. I look back on what I was writing then, how I presented myself, how I conducted myself, the way I'd speak...

I've been a long time maturing.

I could never had done it. I didn't have what I have now, back then. I didn't have the tools, mentally, pyschologically, emotionally. I hadn't realised my ability. So in many ways, everything that has happened needed to happen. Now I'm ready.

But, for old times sake, Cubare were alright.

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