temptfaith

it's late and i have consumed way too much caffeine. i think of the years i didn't consume caffeine at all and think, "hmm, i may have been on to something." instead i am sitting at my kitchen table at 3:40am typing a bunch of bullshit to while away the time.

i have to begrudgingly admit that today at work didn't suck too bad. the company was good, and i got to watch cirque performers do neat tricks while being underappreciated by the audience. i can't imagine being in the physical condition they are in let alone having the coordination to do those things.

i have tomorrow off, and i'll be all by my lonesome. i am mystified how i have managed to make no friends in my "hometown" the last few years, yet i can find people to hang out with when i travel.

part of me wants to spend time remixing an album of my own songs i recorded a decade ago (yes, i am so old that i can refer to things a decade ago and not mean "when i was a boy") when i was very passionate about writing music. i also used to think i had some talent. the album pretty much put a bullet in that notion. out of all the millions of things i could do why would that be important? should i stop flogging a dead horse? should i get a raskolnikov tattoo? nominally, i am thinking about it because a friend lost his copy (one of about ten in existence), and i was considering making a "cooler" version for him. i guess a tiny bit of hope still exists that i could turn it into something of which i'd be proud. i guess, maybe, i'd still like to be talented after all.

if anyone actually reads this (and responds), i will send you a copy of it. then you can have a giggle at my expense.

if no one responds (most likely) i will watch episodes of angel: season five and do my horrifically complicated taxes.

so there... the apathetic SG community will be responsible for making me a responsible taxpaying citizen.

bear that on your conscience.