teenawrocks

I hate the fact that you're never there for me when I needed you most. I don't really blame you though, it's probably my own doings anyhow.



I don't know why or understand why things just have to be this way, its been this way for too long.



At first I didn't care, hell, it's too early still, but it sucks. Especially when you think you're coming into it head on hoping to find it there and then. Apparently not.



I don't know what to do anymore. Too scared to give chances, too scared of the mixed emotions. What if I give it a chance and then it comes? The other thing. I would just kick myself in the face. Maybe this waiting game isn't suppose to be all waiting. Maybe I am suppose to do something about it. I'm tired of doing something about it. It never really works that way, or has it? It's been too long to even know anymore. Hell, I believe it's been too long to even change anything.



What pessimistic views from such an optimistic person. The worlds beating me down and no one even notices nor care to stop and realize. No, no, I know you guys care but this isn't pertaining to you guys. You guys have been good to me. Thats what friends are for.



It's just that thing I long for, that thing I greatly desire but deny the fact that I do actually want it. Maybe thats my problem, denial.



Everything I do and say that may further my investigation leads me to an unforgotten path where I trailed around most, enough to leave paths too deep into the ground. It's this ground that occurs often throughout too many years in this one single person called me.



I know this whole thing might sound bizarre, hell, it might not make sense, but it won't make sense to you, for which I don't care much about because this certain topic only shines down, deep down, on me, myself, and I.



I'm not pleading to give me another shot at it or for whoever to shove them randomly in my life. I want it to come as it may have came unknowingly for it will hold more truth within its own. If it shall never arrive as planned, then so be it.



I suppose thats just how things are and in my honest truth, I don't believe I deserve it.