Why the fuck does Myspace exist? What purpose does it serve?
1) It makes it possible for me to get in touch with people without calling them or talking to them in person. Which is great, right? Because eventually that leads to not talking to anyone period.
2) It allows assholes to hack into my friends pages so that I can get postings like "WOW - FREE iPOD. Yes. Do this now. It really works." all day. Because that's what I want. I want you to spam the shit out of me all day so that I can download a Nelly ringtone...FOR FREE!! I don't blame my friends, I blame these stupid fucking cock sucking hackers who spend their lives making up new ways to get paid by annoying me all day.
3) It makes being single even more dismal when you see the other single people out there and think to yourself, "Holy shit. Is this it? Is this really all that's left. Wow. I'm fucked." And before you call me a prick, know that I realize I'm part of this motley band of fucking left out left overs too. Believe me, I know I'm no prize either.
4) It allows us seas and seas of icons representing people we don't even really know, relationships that failed, people we don't really like but feel we have to have in our group because, well, no one wants to be disliked, and people we don't know at all. The laughable part is that all these things fall under the heading of "friends".
5) It gives poor unfortunates hope. I'm going to find a significant other (I mean, hee hee, I'm just looking for an activity partner). Wow, I can't believe my favorite celebrity excepted my invitation to "friendship" or rather, their assistant, or person pretending to be them did. Now I'm one of their 22,897 friends and I'm putting them in my top 8. My band is going to make it! All I have to do is invite as many people as I can to be my band's "friend", regardless of their musical taste. This is it. "Tortured Rain" is going platinum.
6) It's a great place for ME! Here's another picture of Me. Here's another survey all about me. Here's me. Here's me. Here's me too. Who's the only person who looks at my stupid fucking page with the sparkley shit and references to what kind of fairy/lover/kiss/x-man/rock star I am. ME! Yay, me! Here's me at "the club" wiff my girls on girls night (don't wait up y'all LOL) Here's me and my sister. Must be up to no good. 2 cute, right? (Wrong). Here's a shot just for fun!...of me.
7) Myspace is a great place for ugly assholes to pretend to be sexy. You know who you/they are. You're the guy posed shirtless in his bedroom. No one believes someone else took that picture for you, dude. And guess what? If you heard about a guy doing that, you'd be more than happy to jump in and call him a fag. Oh, I haven't forgotten about you, girl who's picture is just tits and the lower half of her face. What's the point. I'm not going to sugar coat this for you and send you a "WOW! Hot pic!" message. You're ugly. Anyone with any sense knows that because if you weren't, you'd have a normal fucking picture of your face and you wouldn't need the sort of lame ass validation that comes with something like that. Oh, yeah, by the way, both of these mother fuckers are single. See what I mean about that.
Oh shit. I forgot. This is supposed to be funny. Um...hey, what's up with Japanese television??!!! LOL
You know what? Fuck it. Never mind.
1) It makes it possible for me to get in touch with people without calling them or talking to them in person. Which is great, right? Because eventually that leads to not talking to anyone period.
2) It allows assholes to hack into my friends pages so that I can get postings like "WOW - FREE iPOD. Yes. Do this now. It really works." all day. Because that's what I want. I want you to spam the shit out of me all day so that I can download a Nelly ringtone...FOR FREE!! I don't blame my friends, I blame these stupid fucking cock sucking hackers who spend their lives making up new ways to get paid by annoying me all day.
3) It makes being single even more dismal when you see the other single people out there and think to yourself, "Holy shit. Is this it? Is this really all that's left. Wow. I'm fucked." And before you call me a prick, know that I realize I'm part of this motley band of fucking left out left overs too. Believe me, I know I'm no prize either.
4) It allows us seas and seas of icons representing people we don't even really know, relationships that failed, people we don't really like but feel we have to have in our group because, well, no one wants to be disliked, and people we don't know at all. The laughable part is that all these things fall under the heading of "friends".
5) It gives poor unfortunates hope. I'm going to find a significant other (I mean, hee hee, I'm just looking for an activity partner). Wow, I can't believe my favorite celebrity excepted my invitation to "friendship" or rather, their assistant, or person pretending to be them did. Now I'm one of their 22,897 friends and I'm putting them in my top 8. My band is going to make it! All I have to do is invite as many people as I can to be my band's "friend", regardless of their musical taste. This is it. "Tortured Rain" is going platinum.
6) It's a great place for ME! Here's another picture of Me. Here's another survey all about me. Here's me. Here's me. Here's me too. Who's the only person who looks at my stupid fucking page with the sparkley shit and references to what kind of fairy/lover/kiss/x-man/rock star I am. ME! Yay, me! Here's me at "the club" wiff my girls on girls night (don't wait up y'all LOL) Here's me and my sister. Must be up to no good. 2 cute, right? (Wrong). Here's a shot just for fun!...of me.
7) Myspace is a great place for ugly assholes to pretend to be sexy. You know who you/they are. You're the guy posed shirtless in his bedroom. No one believes someone else took that picture for you, dude. And guess what? If you heard about a guy doing that, you'd be more than happy to jump in and call him a fag. Oh, I haven't forgotten about you, girl who's picture is just tits and the lower half of her face. What's the point. I'm not going to sugar coat this for you and send you a "WOW! Hot pic!" message. You're ugly. Anyone with any sense knows that because if you weren't, you'd have a normal fucking picture of your face and you wouldn't need the sort of lame ass validation that comes with something like that. Oh, yeah, by the way, both of these mother fuckers are single. See what I mean about that.
Oh shit. I forgot. This is supposed to be funny. Um...hey, what's up with Japanese television??!!! LOL
You know what? Fuck it. Never mind.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I went through all, and I mean ALL, my "friends" the other day to root out all the shitty bands I so carelessly accepted because I was too lazy to check, and man, people are so weird. It was like looking through the personals in the back of the Weekly. "TRYMEON4FUN" and "Satan Is My Anti-drug" pop out off the top of my head and get a WTF?