tedbedlam

Dating is a fools errand. Technically, any task for me is an errand meant for a fool, but this especially. After a analysis one might surmise there's an educated, average looking youth with who, at the very least, is kind. As such this shouldn't be so hard but damn it... I am so fucking WEIRD. For example, I just went out with this girl tonight with whom one of my first topics of conversation were the moral implications of cannibalism as the philisophical equivalent to veganism (TRUE veganism, that is) for non-vegans. Top that off with various comments on the legitimacy of nut punches in the UFC and you have one gloriously failed evening. Combine that with the fact I am probably still in love with the girl who left me almost half a decade ago and you get lots of companion-less nights and days. God... what nonsense that is, too but it's a love that I can't get rid of and I am willing to accept but nobody else (except her - without encouragement of course) seems to be able to. Try going up to a brother/sister/parent/friend after five years of pining and try not to bore them with your bullshit or frustrate them with your failure to, as they say, move on. "Yeah, guys, I only want to be with this one person and nobody else even if they don't want to be with me." It's like telling your family you're gay but only for one butthole and that butthole is blocked with flatulence for the forseeable future (you see now why dates are so difficult for me? I make metaphors about the girl I love being a blocked-up homosexual rectum). So the motions perpetuate like a bad commercial jingle stuck in my skull, pageantry for loved ones and the rest of the world so they think I'm normal and stop bugging me - and in hopes my faith in love is unfounded and I can fall in love(ish) with someone else (the irony is overwhelming). Anyway, I'm tired of feeling pathetic but at least it's a little funny but god do I wish I could find some validation that I am not insane and perhaps even a datable human being. This is all.