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tecumseh1981

Chicago suburbs.

Member Since 2006

Followers 66 Following 97

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Wednesday Nov 12, 2008

Nov 11, 2008
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I don't know why women confuse me so much. The young lady I have been crushing on wrote me a letter today via facebook. She said that she has been busy and has had a bit of drama in her life, she apologized for being distant lately and said she would try to hang out with me over the weekend but she is busy. I know she wants to go see that Twilight movie really badly, and I assume she is going with her friend from work. But either way I am kind of hurt by it. I maybe assuming too much but I assume the drama is over a guy. I feel hurt because she told me that she was not interested in dating anyone and that she is graduating and blah blah blah. I am not a moron. I assume this because last time she talked to me we were talking about some personal things and she opened up to me.

Now I am assuming that she is hiding whatever the drama is to prevent me from getting hurt, which is sweet of her, but kind of questionable to me. I am suspicious by nature and don't really trust people after being hurt. As well as if someone you care about said they were having "drama" and been preoccupied and confused it is only natural to want to help them, isn't it? So why would they try to hide it. I played the nice guy and told he that she can talk to me about whatever, which is true, but I hate being thought of as a fool and even more I hate being lied to. I don't know she is lying but I am pretty sure I can guess from what she posts on facebook that things are not going well for her romantically. The videos she posts are all about falling in love and love songs, things of that nature. As well as her little status messages possibly indicate that she has had her heart broken. For example "(HER NAME) put herself out there and gave it her best shot! What's next, bring it."

I still have feelings for her and it kind of eats me up inside. I have not met anyone I really liked in a long time, and she really makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I am so lonely lately, and with winter coming it is only going to get worse. Last winter I had Cari to sleep with and to keep me warm. However I did not feel anything with her, other than sexual attraction. We had nothing really to talk about and we just slept together every night. However it was really nice to wake up next to someone and to have a warm bed to crawl into at night. I feel bad at times because Cari was a sweet girl but we had nothing in common and she wanted a serious relationship that I was not ready for. However she met a nice guy and she moved to Ohio to be with him. I hope he treats her well as she deserves it, I feel bad but me and her were not going to work out. Either way I am trying to figure out a way to find someone else to share my bed. Being severely overweight and broke does not help your chances, let me tell you.

Either way I would like a relationship with this girl and I don't know what to do. I just want a serious relationship with someone, preferably her. If things went the way I would like we would move out West to Oregon or Washington and I would do what I need to do to get on a police department. She would go to law school and do what she needs to do. Essentially we would be a young couple trying to make our way and we would be together. I have many little hopes and dreams like this. Essentially my life would be complete and I would feel like it is worth getting up in the mornings. I have many friends whose lives seem to work. They are married, having children, and seem to be living normal happy lives. I feel so left out and I feel ostracized because of it. I don't feel normal and I feel like my life is nothing but a failure. I feel sad because of it and I feel like I don't belong. That feeling of being an outsider is one that I always feel and it is frequent.

Life could be better, I just want it to be. I have to figure out how to make it better. I know what I have to do. I need to lose weight to help my self esteem. To do this I must eat right and exercise. I have a gym membership that goes unused and I need to start eating right. Ariel is right, I need to start actually doing what I am saying. I plan to re-read the Atkins book and stockpile some foods over the weekend.

Right now I am off to bed. I am tired and sick. I have a cold and it has been a pain to get over. Thanks to all my readers. I hope everyone is doing well and I hope your lives work better than mine is rig now. Good night all.

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