Well I am down here in school. School has not started yet but it will soon. My apartment was pretty dirty but we started cleaning it up and it is becoming more hospitable everyday. Sonny helped clean it and honestly cleaned more of it. He is really helping to make this a pleasant experience for me. So in thanks I am giving him some sausage... I wanted to imply some sexual joke but I am kidding.
I am going to cook some Polish Sausage and Sauerkraut. I make some damn good sausage and kraut. I have to go to Walmart to return some bedsheets that I bought. They were cheaper at Target so I got them there. While I am there I will pick up the ingredients.
The other good news is that I have been talking to Jenny for a few hours everyday. And to top it off she is usally the one calling me. I didnt get to pour my heart out to her in person but I did in an email. I told her how I feel and have always felt. I even offered to let her read my diary (this is my diary). When it comes to her I just cant resist.
The bad news is that she has started talking to her ex-boyfriend again. The good thing is that she constantly says that more and more she realizes he is not right for her and that she is going to call it off completely. I understand why she has a hard time doing this but in the end she deserves better. She deserves more than anyone has ever given her. Especially this guy. She doesnt deserve his abuse and I pray that she doesnt take it anymore. From the impression I got of him, he seems like an overbearing self righteous asshole.
And I know it is going to sound typical of me... but I think I am better than him as selfish as that sounds. The problem is that I cannot give her the world quite yet, and I feel very ugly. She is a dropdead knockout and sometimes she innocently pretends to not know it. But thats cool. I would give her it handsdown. We were talking about that the other day and I think we are both looking for the same thing out of life. To be loved and to love someone back. Career aspirations are different as she wants to be a homemaker and involved with her church and ministry in general.
As a sidenote she is slowly talking to me about god. I have a hard time with religion in general but the truth is that she is the reason that I had such a hard time with god. I have cared for her for a long time (I dont want my readers to think I am just lovesick right now but if you go back I have written a few blogs about how much I miss her and how I have felt about her then). When god did not answer my prayers then by "giving" her to me was when I became very bitter. That was one of the main reasons I was angry at god with a few others. She is a devout Catholic now and is not ashamed of her faith. I guess it gives her a purpose and a comfort that only the faithful know.
Anyways I dont want her to leave me alone again. Life is passing me by quickly it seems and I never really much enjoyed it. When I am with her I actually look forward to it. As of right now she is going to call me later today and I am looking forward to hearing her voice. A few weeks ago it seems that she wouldnt return my calls and now she is calling me. I am growing to old to quick to be lonely for much longer. She really brings a lot of joy and love into my life. Things I have not had for a long time. And I am very grateful that we are close again. She seems a lot more open with my now and is returning my affection more which really makes me feel good. I have to admit that I am giddy as a school girl when I first hear her voice. I like to talk to her because she is more incredible than any person I have ever met. And in my time I have met many people whom I consider to be the greatest people ever. (My roommate for example!) People who are great because of their personality, their character, their honor, and because it just seems to come naturally to them. But in my eyes she blows them all out of the water.
We talked last night about a lot of things and we talked about how we first met. In the mental heath facility of a hospital when we were 15 or 16. And she remembers me getting chased by hospital security and police. Or when I used to piss off the staff or not show up even though they had an ambulance driver pick us up. I could just dissapear. I will have to elaborate in another post but I have some stories about how I was fucking nuts.
We talked about a lot of things. From where some obscure country is today to the enjoyment we get out of oral sex. From how much we both hate living here in Illinois to me trying to get into outerspace. And how she enjoys Star Trek a lot.
She makes me feel comfortable and I can tell her things I wont even dare post here. Things that really get me choked up and things I am afraid to admit. She has told me some of her secrets. One in particular, I remeber she was so ashamed of. She was afraid I would get out of the car and walk away from her in disgust. (This was in Arizona.) But I wouldnt do that to her. I told her it was ok and that was that. She would not make that same mistake again so she doesnst have to worry. But in the end I love her and I am willing to overlook her flaws and her past. I have many flaws myself and a history as well. But when you feel strongly for someone you have to overlook thier flaws. And both of us have many. But in my eyes she is still the perfect woman. And I really feel it is because she is flawed. I think with her looks and coming from a better life she would not be such a nice girl but a pretentious bitch. But since she is a "real" person with "real" problems she is a much better person.
Anyways I went to the supermarket where Sonny works and picked up some Sauerkraut and Sausage for dinner. I am gonna make a mean fucking Kielbasa tonight. I am gonna have some of that Campbells Chunky Soup for lunch. For dinner it will be sausage and kraut with Sonny.
He is taking Sonya out to Springfield. She is a wonderful girl. I really think that she could make him happy as he is acting the way I do around Jenny. But he wont admit it. He shaved, got his haircut, put on the cologne, and is pretending like he is annoyed with waiting for her. But I am not a fool and I can see right through this shrade of his. He really likes her and she seems to like him. But if she hurts him I will kill her (not literally but I will be very angry with her).
I guess she is canceling but now he is talking about going to Peoria instead. I strongly suspect he wants to spend time with her and that is that. He has a lot of money and does not mind spending it on her. Its really sweet. I am going to pray that it works out for him because he really deserves someone special. And Sonya seems like someone who could make him very happy.
As a sidenote I am sick still and have been drinking tea, a lot! I found that I really love the stuff. The problem is that I bought a teakettle from Walmart the other day and now I cannot find it. It really pisses me off. I want a fucking cup of tea and dont have a way to boil the water other than the same pot I am using for soup. This really pisses me off.
Anyways I am going to cook and and start watching some TV in Sonnys room when he leaves cause I dont have a TV outlet in my room. As a sidenote he has a real nice bed (The memory foam matress) and this neat little desk thing that acts as a tabeltop when you are sitting in bed.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Cheers.
Tecumseh
I am going to cook some Polish Sausage and Sauerkraut. I make some damn good sausage and kraut. I have to go to Walmart to return some bedsheets that I bought. They were cheaper at Target so I got them there. While I am there I will pick up the ingredients.
The other good news is that I have been talking to Jenny for a few hours everyday. And to top it off she is usally the one calling me. I didnt get to pour my heart out to her in person but I did in an email. I told her how I feel and have always felt. I even offered to let her read my diary (this is my diary). When it comes to her I just cant resist.
The bad news is that she has started talking to her ex-boyfriend again. The good thing is that she constantly says that more and more she realizes he is not right for her and that she is going to call it off completely. I understand why she has a hard time doing this but in the end she deserves better. She deserves more than anyone has ever given her. Especially this guy. She doesnt deserve his abuse and I pray that she doesnt take it anymore. From the impression I got of him, he seems like an overbearing self righteous asshole.
And I know it is going to sound typical of me... but I think I am better than him as selfish as that sounds. The problem is that I cannot give her the world quite yet, and I feel very ugly. She is a dropdead knockout and sometimes she innocently pretends to not know it. But thats cool. I would give her it handsdown. We were talking about that the other day and I think we are both looking for the same thing out of life. To be loved and to love someone back. Career aspirations are different as she wants to be a homemaker and involved with her church and ministry in general.
As a sidenote she is slowly talking to me about god. I have a hard time with religion in general but the truth is that she is the reason that I had such a hard time with god. I have cared for her for a long time (I dont want my readers to think I am just lovesick right now but if you go back I have written a few blogs about how much I miss her and how I have felt about her then). When god did not answer my prayers then by "giving" her to me was when I became very bitter. That was one of the main reasons I was angry at god with a few others. She is a devout Catholic now and is not ashamed of her faith. I guess it gives her a purpose and a comfort that only the faithful know.
Anyways I dont want her to leave me alone again. Life is passing me by quickly it seems and I never really much enjoyed it. When I am with her I actually look forward to it. As of right now she is going to call me later today and I am looking forward to hearing her voice. A few weeks ago it seems that she wouldnt return my calls and now she is calling me. I am growing to old to quick to be lonely for much longer. She really brings a lot of joy and love into my life. Things I have not had for a long time. And I am very grateful that we are close again. She seems a lot more open with my now and is returning my affection more which really makes me feel good. I have to admit that I am giddy as a school girl when I first hear her voice. I like to talk to her because she is more incredible than any person I have ever met. And in my time I have met many people whom I consider to be the greatest people ever. (My roommate for example!) People who are great because of their personality, their character, their honor, and because it just seems to come naturally to them. But in my eyes she blows them all out of the water.
We talked last night about a lot of things and we talked about how we first met. In the mental heath facility of a hospital when we were 15 or 16. And she remembers me getting chased by hospital security and police. Or when I used to piss off the staff or not show up even though they had an ambulance driver pick us up. I could just dissapear. I will have to elaborate in another post but I have some stories about how I was fucking nuts.
We talked about a lot of things. From where some obscure country is today to the enjoyment we get out of oral sex. From how much we both hate living here in Illinois to me trying to get into outerspace. And how she enjoys Star Trek a lot.
She makes me feel comfortable and I can tell her things I wont even dare post here. Things that really get me choked up and things I am afraid to admit. She has told me some of her secrets. One in particular, I remeber she was so ashamed of. She was afraid I would get out of the car and walk away from her in disgust. (This was in Arizona.) But I wouldnt do that to her. I told her it was ok and that was that. She would not make that same mistake again so she doesnst have to worry. But in the end I love her and I am willing to overlook her flaws and her past. I have many flaws myself and a history as well. But when you feel strongly for someone you have to overlook thier flaws. And both of us have many. But in my eyes she is still the perfect woman. And I really feel it is because she is flawed. I think with her looks and coming from a better life she would not be such a nice girl but a pretentious bitch. But since she is a "real" person with "real" problems she is a much better person.
Anyways I went to the supermarket where Sonny works and picked up some Sauerkraut and Sausage for dinner. I am gonna make a mean fucking Kielbasa tonight. I am gonna have some of that Campbells Chunky Soup for lunch. For dinner it will be sausage and kraut with Sonny.
He is taking Sonya out to Springfield. She is a wonderful girl. I really think that she could make him happy as he is acting the way I do around Jenny. But he wont admit it. He shaved, got his haircut, put on the cologne, and is pretending like he is annoyed with waiting for her. But I am not a fool and I can see right through this shrade of his. He really likes her and she seems to like him. But if she hurts him I will kill her (not literally but I will be very angry with her).
I guess she is canceling but now he is talking about going to Peoria instead. I strongly suspect he wants to spend time with her and that is that. He has a lot of money and does not mind spending it on her. Its really sweet. I am going to pray that it works out for him because he really deserves someone special. And Sonya seems like someone who could make him very happy.
As a sidenote I am sick still and have been drinking tea, a lot! I found that I really love the stuff. The problem is that I bought a teakettle from Walmart the other day and now I cannot find it. It really pisses me off. I want a fucking cup of tea and dont have a way to boil the water other than the same pot I am using for soup. This really pisses me off.
Anyways I am going to cook and and start watching some TV in Sonnys room when he leaves cause I dont have a TV outlet in my room. As a sidenote he has a real nice bed (The memory foam matress) and this neat little desk thing that acts as a tabeltop when you are sitting in bed.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Cheers.
Tecumseh
Rugby is my favorite sport, have you played before?
Oh, and glad to hear you are getting settled at school and all that.
I was a lock forward (2nd row) for the length of my career.