tecumseh1981

Well here is an update...

I moved into my new apartment. It is filthy. Sonny and his former roommate Tony llived like savages. There is garbage all over the floor. Crumbs and stains litter the counter. Sonnys Enduring Freedom knife was unfolded and laying open on the counter. The glass coffee table was into 2 big shards and stacked on the bottom piece of it. I knocked over a pop can that must have been on my floor for a while now. At least 3 weeks.

The McDonalds shake cup that was on my new desk had a green mold living in it. Unfortunately I threw it out as I dont want pets. My room is a little smaller than the one I had at home. Sonny made it seem gigantic over the phone but then again he was living in an Army barracks for awhile and in small apartments are an improvement.

I think the town looks somewhat ghetto and rundown. However this is how I like it. But I am happy to be out of the house and living with Sonny. He really is a good friend and I will enjoy living with him I hope. I just want to preserve the friendship as he is like my brother. I am excited to be living with him though.

As for other things... I did not go to church with Jenny. Though everything worked out in the end. I hung out with her a few nights ago and we just sat and talked for a few hours. I still am worried that she may break my heart again and leave me hurting. However I will blindly march into this again in hopes that things will turn out better than they usually do.

She is not a fan of this site nor any porn since her last boyfriend was addicted to porn. I dont think she really knows about the image that Suicide Girls really has. She knows that I post here as I told her when she asked about the huge picture of Ember on my myspace.com page. I will confess to my readers that I am not attracted to the majority of the Suicide Girls. Most of them are to thin or the tattoos get a little to excessive for me. What I like about this site is that it is very individualistic and people are very accepting of different ideas and lifestyles.
There are a lot of attractive women who post here such as Marvel that should be Suicide girls. As I reread the last few lines and generalization I would say that I would not kick any of the girls on here out of bed. But that is just me.

As I was saying I really do care about her and I talked to her on AIM after I left her place. What I wish is that we could have talked like that in person. We talked mostly about religion and joked a bit. She told me about her most recent relationship. He seems like a complete asshole as I must have posted in some previous blog post. However I had heard her version of events and he must have his own side. But I will look past it due to my own blind love for Jennifer and my envy of her scorned lover. And I must confess my own loneliness is a factor in my judgement.

We flirt a lot online but not so much in person and talk. It seems that the internet allows both of us to express ourselves a little easier. Due to the fact that there is not so much tension in the room, not just sexual tenstion between us but a lot of emotional tension, and we can both appreciate that. We usually sit very far apart when we hangout but as the night goes on I find that we become closer physically especially when we start hanging out again. In Arizona it was like this but by the last night I spent with her we were cuddling in the same bed. Either way I enjoy her company very much and her affection whether physical or emotional is real boost to my ego, self esteem, and mood.

As it stands I dont know what is going to happen as I am always afraid she will just walk out of my life or get back together with her former boyfriend. He is really trying to get back with her and she may let him I fear. But she also seems very insistent that she is through with him.

I talked to her and she told me to call her back later but she didnt answer. I am hoping that it is due to her poor health right now. She has some sort of degenerative disease (I hate that word) but I would rather that it be her poor health rather than her getting back with that asshole. I am a very lonely and I think she is starting to see me as something other than a friend. Due to some of the things she has said to me. But nonetheless I am a clingy person sometimes.

I just hope to see where this goes and I hope it goes the way that allows both us to be happy. She really makes me happy and I want to make her happy. I dont know but I will talk to her and see what she feels.

Anyways I was using Sonny's computer lastnight and I looked through his documents file. There was a lot of pictures of him and his buddies in Afghanistan. Just them being guys. And it made me think of that TV series/movie "Band of Brothers". I realized that Sonny is an honest to goodness hero. He actually has seen the elephant. There were pictures of him sitting on a hill in the middle of Afghanistan.

It really made me realize that Sonny has actually been in battle. And seeing those pictures (there was nothing gruesome just a bunch of guys holding guns and skiing down a sanddune) I realized that he really is a veteran and it still amazes me very much. He disagrees strongly with the war in Iraq and he has a more relevant viewpoint on what battle and war truly is. I still realized that I cannot but help see him in a state of awe. He is really my hero. And I am sadly unable to tell him how much I respect him. That I cannot tell him is only a testament to my own cowardice when it comes to telling people about my feelings.

Perhaps I will buy him an account here as a present for some holiday like his birthday and tell him to read my blog for today. We are close but I cannot tell him how much his friendship really means to me. In high school he protected my butt from a lot of bullying and bullshit. He truly is a good friend to me and I am terrified of losing him as a friend.

Anyways I will probably be going down there on Monday or some other day this week. I am already looking forward to going back down there and starting school. I am a little nervous though but I think I will be alright. It will be easy to get back into the hang of things after a week or two. I have already purchased my books, well except for one, but I am going to have to go buy a few notebooks and folders for my classes soon.

What really is distracting me is Jenny. I love her very much and I dont want to chase her out of my life. I have to admit that I actually feel truly happy deep down inside and out when I am with her and that is a feeling I dont want to lose again. I think that when you feel that way about someone they should know it and I have a tough time sharing my feelings. Its really telling the person that I care about them that twists me up but I can tell others. I told Jenny how I feel about Sonny and how incredible of a person he really is while I told Sonny how much Jenny means to me. But I cant tell either of them how much they mean to me.

Anyways the good news is that next time I post I will be in my new apartment. And I can probably take pics because I believe that Sonny has a digital camera.

As a sidenote as cheesy as this sounds I am watching some show called "I pity the Fool" with Mr. T as the host. I decided to read his biography on Wikipedia and I was shocked at how good of a person he really is. He was in the army, made positive rap music for children, helps people to challenge themselves. It also explains how he amassed his jewelry collection. He apparently was a bouncer and would take a piece of jewelry off rowdy people who he threw out of the place. He has to be a bad ass because he has a lot of gold. As cheesy as it sounds he really seems to be a good man that has a heart of gold.

Link to Wiki on Mr. T