We went out to the bar last night. Dana invited me and my friends to meet her friends up at one of the local bars. It was your typical booty bar. Loud music (lots of white people listening to rap), expensive drinks, gorgeous women, and a lot of cigarette smoke. I am not a big fan of bars at all and this was no exception. It was an ok night.
I wanted to try and hook Josh up with Dana as I think they would make a good couple. I have some feelings for her but they really are not that strong. Mostly sexual attraction to her and a lot of emptiness in my life that she could offer solace to. Either way I found out that she has a boyfriend tonight. Josh asked her to dance but her boyfriend was coming and she didnt want to have him catch her with some other guy. And it was a good thing to. He was a BIG dude. I mean he worked out a lot and it turns out he is also a martial arts instructor. Things could have been bad had he flipped. I didnt meet him directly but I recognize him from her Myspace profile. If shit went down I would have ran to Joshs car and got his .45 out of the glove box. But thank god it did not come to that.
Though I am dissapointed in Dana as she is going after the typical asshole guy. If a guy is so uptight that she is afraid to introduce him to other guy friend then is he really worth having in your life? I have known her for almost 7 years. And It seems pathetic that she would go out of her way to make sure this asshole does not know she talks to other guys. I truly was appaled. We went out to a late dinner once Josh finished dancing with some other chicks at the bar. I wanted to dance but they only played one salsa beat while we were there.
As it stands I chilled with Mikey and learned what is going on with him and Christine. She is being a bitch to him and I think he fears she is cheating on him (he is rightly afraid of it as she seems like that type). She told him she may have feelings for some other guy which is really shitty of her. They have a beautiful son and Mikey is a great father. He may not be the best provider due to his shitty job he is trying hard to find a way to make it work. And I really am proud of him. I used to see him as an asshole but he is turning himself around. And that is good. Anyways she has been staying over at her mothers house or her brothers and telling Mike that she wants some space. He thinks she may be having those feelings for one of her brothers friends. And that is not right, it just aint right. He really wants to be with her and he told me now that he just wants to know. They were supposed to talk last night but she didnt want to. And he feels like he is waiting to be judged. And everyone knows that waiting for an important answer really is hard to do. He is not being impatient with her which is good but he deserves an answer and she is being a bitch by not giving him one. The other day when I saw him at the mall he drove with him and Aiden while she took the other car. Why? I dont know anything bout that except that I really wish the best for him.
I am really thinking a lot about nothing really. I have been listening to the Dust Brothers and decided to watch FIght Club. I really forgot how much this movie made me think about life and the way I feel about it. Do I feel that I have to look like some underwear model? Do I really need the nice shit? Do I need the car? The perfect girl? Will those complete me? I always feel content when I buy some stupid shit but the feeling goes away soon after. I wonder what will ever make me truly happy?
A job might be a start. Dave said he would help me get in with him and Josh. He is going to talk to his boss about hiring me as I applied there for full time but the computer said they were looking for part time which is why I was denied. Thank god for technology, huh? Anyways the part time pay is $12.60 an hour which is fucking awesome and I would get 40 hours a week.
As I said earlier do I have to look like an underwear model? No. Do I want to? Yes. Who doesnt? I need to hit the gym and Dave said he would be down which is nice. ME and him got to be closer and I realized he aint Mikeys little brother the Jewratboy. He is now a man and it is weird because it seems like yesterday we were fucking with him. Now he is an MP in the US Army. How things change so quickly is beyond me.
Anyways Dana asked me to up to her work and chill with her on Tuesday as she is working and it is not a busy night. I feel creepy doing that. She was also at her work on Monday but they dont call her Dana there. They call her Di. So if I asked for Di they would have got her as I asked for Dana. Anyways stupid shit like that is annoying. She also said to keep calling her if she doesnt answer. I feel creepy doing that, like a stalker. I am desperate for any female companionship but I dont want to go down this road.
As it stands here is the plan. I think I am going to go to Philly next week and check out Drexel. I should also see about Seattle. I plan to stay at a youth hostel and see what I can do from there. I will probably not go as it seems like a pointless endeavor. My mom suggested it but I dont have the cash and I really do not want to take her cash. I feel guilty taking it as it is. She says its cool because I have always shared my wealth with her but I feel so pathetic. I want to get out of here and I really need to leave all of this bullshit behind. Life seems so pointless right now. Pointless is not really the word, hopeless is a better word.
I dont know what I want except that I dont have it. And to top it off I really miss Jenn. That is also bothering me and I was terrified of seeing her at the bar tonight, even her sister. So many memories I have of her are brought back due to my loneliness and the fact that a lot of things remind me of her. Mainly because she is always on the back of my mind. I feel that she is still what I really want. I know she is not my ideal woman I feel that she is the ideal woman for me. Its hard to explain. THough if I could have Jana back in my life I would rather than just about anyone else. Perhaps I should just move to Germany.
Anyways I must get to sleep as it is early or late depending on the person and I am in the middle of Fight Club. I am sure nothing eventful will happen today nonetheless expect another pointless blog later.
I wanted to try and hook Josh up with Dana as I think they would make a good couple. I have some feelings for her but they really are not that strong. Mostly sexual attraction to her and a lot of emptiness in my life that she could offer solace to. Either way I found out that she has a boyfriend tonight. Josh asked her to dance but her boyfriend was coming and she didnt want to have him catch her with some other guy. And it was a good thing to. He was a BIG dude. I mean he worked out a lot and it turns out he is also a martial arts instructor. Things could have been bad had he flipped. I didnt meet him directly but I recognize him from her Myspace profile. If shit went down I would have ran to Joshs car and got his .45 out of the glove box. But thank god it did not come to that.
Though I am dissapointed in Dana as she is going after the typical asshole guy. If a guy is so uptight that she is afraid to introduce him to other guy friend then is he really worth having in your life? I have known her for almost 7 years. And It seems pathetic that she would go out of her way to make sure this asshole does not know she talks to other guys. I truly was appaled. We went out to a late dinner once Josh finished dancing with some other chicks at the bar. I wanted to dance but they only played one salsa beat while we were there.
As it stands I chilled with Mikey and learned what is going on with him and Christine. She is being a bitch to him and I think he fears she is cheating on him (he is rightly afraid of it as she seems like that type). She told him she may have feelings for some other guy which is really shitty of her. They have a beautiful son and Mikey is a great father. He may not be the best provider due to his shitty job he is trying hard to find a way to make it work. And I really am proud of him. I used to see him as an asshole but he is turning himself around. And that is good. Anyways she has been staying over at her mothers house or her brothers and telling Mike that she wants some space. He thinks she may be having those feelings for one of her brothers friends. And that is not right, it just aint right. He really wants to be with her and he told me now that he just wants to know. They were supposed to talk last night but she didnt want to. And he feels like he is waiting to be judged. And everyone knows that waiting for an important answer really is hard to do. He is not being impatient with her which is good but he deserves an answer and she is being a bitch by not giving him one. The other day when I saw him at the mall he drove with him and Aiden while she took the other car. Why? I dont know anything bout that except that I really wish the best for him.
I am really thinking a lot about nothing really. I have been listening to the Dust Brothers and decided to watch FIght Club. I really forgot how much this movie made me think about life and the way I feel about it. Do I feel that I have to look like some underwear model? Do I really need the nice shit? Do I need the car? The perfect girl? Will those complete me? I always feel content when I buy some stupid shit but the feeling goes away soon after. I wonder what will ever make me truly happy?
A job might be a start. Dave said he would help me get in with him and Josh. He is going to talk to his boss about hiring me as I applied there for full time but the computer said they were looking for part time which is why I was denied. Thank god for technology, huh? Anyways the part time pay is $12.60 an hour which is fucking awesome and I would get 40 hours a week.
As I said earlier do I have to look like an underwear model? No. Do I want to? Yes. Who doesnt? I need to hit the gym and Dave said he would be down which is nice. ME and him got to be closer and I realized he aint Mikeys little brother the Jewratboy. He is now a man and it is weird because it seems like yesterday we were fucking with him. Now he is an MP in the US Army. How things change so quickly is beyond me.
Anyways Dana asked me to up to her work and chill with her on Tuesday as she is working and it is not a busy night. I feel creepy doing that. She was also at her work on Monday but they dont call her Dana there. They call her Di. So if I asked for Di they would have got her as I asked for Dana. Anyways stupid shit like that is annoying. She also said to keep calling her if she doesnt answer. I feel creepy doing that, like a stalker. I am desperate for any female companionship but I dont want to go down this road.
As it stands here is the plan. I think I am going to go to Philly next week and check out Drexel. I should also see about Seattle. I plan to stay at a youth hostel and see what I can do from there. I will probably not go as it seems like a pointless endeavor. My mom suggested it but I dont have the cash and I really do not want to take her cash. I feel guilty taking it as it is. She says its cool because I have always shared my wealth with her but I feel so pathetic. I want to get out of here and I really need to leave all of this bullshit behind. Life seems so pointless right now. Pointless is not really the word, hopeless is a better word.
I dont know what I want except that I dont have it. And to top it off I really miss Jenn. That is also bothering me and I was terrified of seeing her at the bar tonight, even her sister. So many memories I have of her are brought back due to my loneliness and the fact that a lot of things remind me of her. Mainly because she is always on the back of my mind. I feel that she is still what I really want. I know she is not my ideal woman I feel that she is the ideal woman for me. Its hard to explain. THough if I could have Jana back in my life I would rather than just about anyone else. Perhaps I should just move to Germany.
Anyways I must get to sleep as it is early or late depending on the person and I am in the middle of Fight Club. I am sure nothing eventful will happen today nonetheless expect another pointless blog later.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
and
"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."
and
"And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom."
and, my favourite,
"I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?"
That movie kicked ass, and there were some pretty important life lessons thrown in. Did you know that there is a new movie called Fight Club? I got all excited thinking it was a sequel or something, but it's a movie from India directed by Vikram Chopra. Sometimes I'm so full of useless information it scares me. Hope things go better for you in the very near future
The Illinois Sex Offender Registration is more your style?
hahahahahaha.
I thought this was going to be a Kimbo fight or something.