I hate balancing out my checkbook every week then seeing I've absolutely no money at all, I got paid today but most of that will be going to my dad, since I owe him. Buying the textbooks absolutely killed me, and I hardly have a dime on me, I hope I can afford to pay my cell bill & have enough for gas.
Bumped my dad's car today in the campus parking lot. It was a tiny bump, but the scratch on the front is absolutely huge. I was meeting my mom for lunch (we do that since her work is so near the college) and when we got there I was crying and shaking and having panic attacks because I know my father would murder me when he saw the scratch (he's obsessed with his car)...my mom had to get me breathing again, it took like fifteen minutes and I couldn't eat because of the anxiety I was in. She had said "I told your father to buy a ratty car that you could practice in and beat up a little...but don't worry about it, honey." Then she showed me all the marks, dents and scratches on her minivan, it was almost like a fucking canvas. I'm not going to end up as big a wreck as my mother when it comes to vehicles...nononono.
My mother went with me to the doc's office today, she had called him today without me knowing and after lunch she said we were going to pay a visit. He wanted to start me on Xanax and that's how me, him and my mother got into this big fight. He thought Xanax would calm my nerves because I've been getting so many panic attacks to a point where I'm throwing up and bawling away at random things. My mom said absolutely not..Xanax is extremely addictive (for those who don't know) & my great-grandmother was on it for so many years and she couldn't get off of it (long story there.) And I told the doc that he was missing my point, I don't want to be on any more medications, at all. I'm only on one now, and doing great. Sleeping well, not (very) depressed, clear-headed. He wants me to see my therapist more often than every two weeks, but she's so busy, it'll be hard.
Life is life. Wish vacation could've lasted longer, as always. I think I'm going to Borders until it closes to study and have my latte coffee and cheesecake. The hamburgers my dad made were too rare tonight.
I'll be damned if anyone reads this and actually cares.
Bumped my dad's car today in the campus parking lot. It was a tiny bump, but the scratch on the front is absolutely huge. I was meeting my mom for lunch (we do that since her work is so near the college) and when we got there I was crying and shaking and having panic attacks because I know my father would murder me when he saw the scratch (he's obsessed with his car)...my mom had to get me breathing again, it took like fifteen minutes and I couldn't eat because of the anxiety I was in. She had said "I told your father to buy a ratty car that you could practice in and beat up a little...but don't worry about it, honey." Then she showed me all the marks, dents and scratches on her minivan, it was almost like a fucking canvas. I'm not going to end up as big a wreck as my mother when it comes to vehicles...nononono.
My mother went with me to the doc's office today, she had called him today without me knowing and after lunch she said we were going to pay a visit. He wanted to start me on Xanax and that's how me, him and my mother got into this big fight. He thought Xanax would calm my nerves because I've been getting so many panic attacks to a point where I'm throwing up and bawling away at random things. My mom said absolutely not..Xanax is extremely addictive (for those who don't know) & my great-grandmother was on it for so many years and she couldn't get off of it (long story there.) And I told the doc that he was missing my point, I don't want to be on any more medications, at all. I'm only on one now, and doing great. Sleeping well, not (very) depressed, clear-headed. He wants me to see my therapist more often than every two weeks, but she's so busy, it'll be hard.
Life is life. Wish vacation could've lasted longer, as always. I think I'm going to Borders until it closes to study and have my latte coffee and cheesecake. The hamburgers my dad made were too rare tonight.
I'll be damned if anyone reads this and actually cares.
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hang in there luv