I've never been more ok and this fucked up at the same time. The Embodiment of responsibly irresponsible, the very definition of perfect imperfection.
I'm not cold or disconnected as you say...rather.. calculated, controlled, disciplined... yet loving..the perfect balance of selfish and selfless...a beautiful blend of pleasure and pain...nature at its finest...a humble ego striving for the next...stroke..
yea i have a job..it's good..my bills are paid..my car works..yes. I have AC..what AM i?..a savage… My son wants not and plays freely with reckless abandon...i am..responsible...yet..
i welcome the abuse...i allow you in to rearrange my thoughts...you wage war..on my emotions..yes...this come and go..this i love you but i don't..i don't know what to do...this i don't know what i want... game...it is..psychological warfare...a not so subtle attempt to destroy the better half of me..the best half of me...if life were a cup of coffee...im your half and half...your sweet-n-low….you seek to devour the sweetest part of me.. You crave it..my demise your delight...it's..only..nature, and you are a natural. And i'm so irresponsible for playing the role of the victim..this self sacrificial part i play is so..in-fucking-sane.. This war you wage , these casualties of emotion..they are taking their toll..this willingness to surrender on my part is. Unexplainable..in this chaos.. Reason..logic..unattainable.
It's all so perfectly imperfect. So symmetrical..
the weight of the sorrow crashes like a wave..driving me deeper still...im in the deep end… i surface.. Take a breathe.. Only enough to survive the next wave..barely. Each assault cuts deeper into my defenses...each attack, numbing my senses… the pain we once called love..is starting ...to resemble a drug...clearly i'm addicted...each hit pushes me deeper..into the abyss of denial...each blow building my tolerance...will the next be my last?... I'm in the deep end.
This is civilized savagery.