tds

So, this whole Angel Vs Devil thing. The Devil seems like a more interesting prospect. The Angel seems a little self righteous, but overall good intentioned. I've basically been forcing myself to decide if, as i asked before, it really is possible to go through with saying nothing if i can't say anything nice. It isn't a major deal, i guess, but i think i need to really decide before i say more stupid things. And those who know me know I do that all too frequently. I'm a broadcast journalist.

I really think i'm slipping. Which is bad because it will affect others, & i don't need any more people in my life thinking i'm crazy. But it all comes back to me being far weirder than i have comfort with these days, which isn't exactly a very embracable thing. The way i figure, going by both history & personal reactions to others in similar situations in the past, is it's easier to avoid than embrace when it comes to someone who's a little out there. Hate that, more than i care to admit, but it's the truth. Basically no one give up on me yet, if anyone reads this anymore other than the amazing (& totally patient) Toez.

So the Girl (who's bag i mused on shitting in once) is back. Don't ask how i know, because i find it to be embarrassing. Nevertheless, Sacramento continues to amaze me with how it weaves the past in so tight with the present.

The neighbors have been moving & yelling & stomping all day. ALL DAY. I don't like wishing pain on people, but i wouldn't be sad if one of them fell down the stairs. Of course then that'd get all of them out yelling at each other, & maybe paramedics. And it'd clog the way iif i went out. God i hate them.

Radio tomorrow. Likely will be up on the specially made MySpace (which i need more people on & which catagogo refuses to be part of, for some reason, so talk her into it) by Sunday at the latest. I plan on bitching horribly about nothing while my partner makes funny voices.

Reading & writing way way too much. I feel like my head is going to explode. Also becoming dangerously socially conscious.

I've decided that i need to get to Ukiah at some point in the next month. And i need to go to the LC here in a couple weeks. You can never get out.

My friend Seth's been dead almost nine months now. Guess that kind of empty feeling never really goes, does it? Owe that guy a lot, & i can never drink or listen to Johnny Cash without thinking of the fucked up Texas bastard. But isn't weird how even when you feel someone is with you, there's still that void? He's the first friend i've lost like that, to death i mean (suicide by heroin, for those who care). I feel guilty i never got to say goodbye. That the last message i got from him was wanting my number after i moved to Sac. Next thing i hear, he's gone. I dunno. Nine months. Yikes.

I refuse to end this on a down note. So i'll just say i'm really looking forward to tomorrow. Radio, Speak Easy, & a chance to dress up. And in the one city i enjoy more than almost any other. Weird how things can change in a year.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.