tds

I can't express how good I felt that night. Everything just seemed perfect, for that brief few hours, & even though it was a while ago, it still ranks as one of my all time top five favorite memories.
My high school freshman year was an interesting time. The school district & I were still going through various issues, which made a lot of academic related things difficult; it's a long story I might get more into later, but over the last few years they had gone out of their way to make me feel as bad about myself as possible, telling me things like not believing in learning disabilities & accusing me of faking migraines due to being lazy. That isn't true, by the way. Freshman year was made more difficult because of the scenery change, & having to adjust to high school as an environment you live in, not just see from the outside. You all know the change can take time, I'm sure, & it felt magnified by the fact that the school had no faith in me (they ended up forcing me out not very long after). And if felt much more stressful in the sense that there were new people to deal with. Female people. With boobs, & long hair, & come hither looks that were heavier on the come than the hither. I'd made my decision that high school would be, for lack of a better term, a coming out for me socially. I'd never thought of myself as someone popular, or even noteworthy, but everyone liked me okay. In fact, I feel like a tool talking to people from that time who thought highly of me but I never got to know as well as I'd liked because I was afraid of coming off like a jackass. Girls never were all that into me, honestly, which always sucks, but damn it, this year they'd be all over me. You know why? Because I fucking rule, that's why. I had been working on ways to actually be myself, only a character, who would get a reaction.
I'd like to explain right now what that means, so bear with the lunatic for a minute. One of my biggest heroes at the time (still even now) was Andy Kaufman. The way he blurred the lines of fantasy & reality was the coolest thing I'd ever heard. How he'd basically use people's psychology against them, & just fuck with people for his own amusement. The way he'd create characters who'd do things he would never do. I loved that, & I still do. My thought was, why can't I do the same? Worth a try, I figured. This line of thought also had a lot to do with me being an avid wrestling fan at the time, & reading Mick Foley's Have a Nice Day more than I care to admit. How he created a character to be what he always wanted to be, but didn't have the balls to. So basically I figured I'd use a character to mask myself when I acted more like myself, just in case it didn't work out. Writing it out right now makes it sound way more weird than I always figured, but there you go. So I began to plan, just because. Getting a wardrobe, primarily, which ended up being my invaluable leather jacket, black slacks, & a black shirt. And sunglasses, because every badass should wear sunglasses. Might've worn a tie, but I don't recall for sure, even if I do remember vividly spending money on one. Anyway, I looked awesome. Like, shockingly good, & I felt great about it.
The time to do all this retarded social pandering was the Homecoming game. I had plans to spend the night at my friend Rob's house, so I figured I could at least have someone to brag to should all this work. Go to the game, then go to the dance afterwards. Ideally having a date for the dance I would meet at the game, because the world is meant to be perfect when you're fifteen. So I got ready to go, making sure I got pumped up enough, which amounted to digging up some cologne (it actually smelled awesome for cheap shit) &listening to The Who repeatedly, specifically the song "You Better You Bet," which always will be one of my favorites because I associate it with that night. I had to be as on as I possibly could, just because if you're going to embarrass yourself, you do it fucking right damn it.
I got there, paid the ridiculous amount of money to see Clear Lake Cardinals football. I'll tell you right now, we got destroyed in both games that night. It was pretty sad, actually, but I wasn't there to watch football; I was there for the people. The people under fifty, anyway, of which there was a shockingly little amount. Rob was going to come out later, since he was in the band, & I just waited. The first person I met when I got there was guy named Brian, who was Rob's neighbor & a guy I'd known for a couple years. Dude was a little off. Only child, parents always working, lived out in the boonies in the Kelseyville/Finley area, which at the time was inhabited by freaks & some squirrels. Now they have a totally decent if completely incompetent agriculture store. At any rate, Brian was a character, & everyone was sure he had a screw loose somewhere. First thing I remember he did when saw me was yell as loud as he could:
"BIG PIMPIN'!"
Heads turned, & people I'd not talked to since I was eight were talking to me, & so were people I've never fucking met before. This was good. The creepy little bastard got me over. This guy Kyle came up, said I looked awesome, as did his hot girlfriend. I always love how ugly dudes get hot girlfriends. Anyway, we got pulled over by Brian, who dragged us into the men's room. He reached in his pocket, then whipped them out for us to see
They were bottle rockets, you perverts. God. Anyway, Brian's plan was to launch them off at halftime of the junior varsity game, which was in about half an hour. I fully supported this, because I'm an asshole who is always up for people getting injured or busted for my own sick amusement. This isn't a mean spirited thing, I don't think; it's human nature. If a friend gets busted or hurt doing something retarded, then it's automatically funny. I would expect them to laugh if I did something like that. After the time passed, & the Cardinals got raped by like forty points, Brian pussed out. I egged him on, as any friend would, & got him to commit to launching them during the middle of the bullshit Homecoming wankfest that would go on between the games. By then, Rob would be out, & we could both either see him get in trouble or hurt himselfor just, you know, see shit make a loud noise & look somewhat pretty.
Rob came out with his drums, marching in a line behind that fucking prick of a band teacher (who's another story. I'd legit hurt the guy if I ran into him now). He saw me, did a double take, & proclaimed over the woodwinds, "Is that you?!?" I thought that was awesome. Anyway, they did their shitty band thing (really, they were quite bad), & he came over to hang out. Rob's an interesting cat, by the way. I'm not saying this in an overly positive way, I don't think, but I'm not being negative with it either. Honestly, I can't tell anymore, when I talk to him. He had a date that night, which annoyed me to no end because he was a dork, & this girl was pretty much in love with him even though he hated her. It was terrible. Not just that he treated her like shit, but that a girl -who was totally decent looking & not at all stupid_would like a guy who's life ambition was to be the undisputed master of Unreal Tournament & write really bad Rage Against the Machine-like rap songs (this phase didn't last long, thank god). Why he accepted a date with a girl whom he disliked (her name was Heather, by the way) for a dance which I was fairly sure he was paying her way for just seemed stupid. I should note, just for general dickery, he hasn't changed all that much in the years since then, only now he finally figured out how his dick works. But yeah, this was my best friend from ages eight to fifteen.
As for poor Briandude pussed out again on launching the bottle rockets during the festivities, but promised he'd do it at halftime, at the elementary school. Anyone who's been to Lakeport Elementary knows it's a couple hundred yards away from the high school football field. His goal was, apparently, to launch these things at the playground, which while slightly admirable was pretty dumb. I decided he would just back down again, & didn't want to go watch. Seriously, he'd proven he's the flakiest merry mischief maker on the planet, & as funny as whatever consequence would be, it wasn't worth the walk. Rob went, but came back, I believe. Allegedly, Brian attempted to light one up the slide at the elementary school, but somehow didn't think that a slide that's spiral shaped might be the worst fucking place to do something like that. Apparently his arm got singed or something, I don't know. I like to think he set his arm on fire, because it amuses me & makes a better story. Didn't see Brian much after that, though. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since.
I was feeling great, though. Rob & I waited out in front of the gym for Heather to show up, presumably with friends. High school girls seemed to always have other girls to watch their backs, which is all well & good, but intimidating generally. Rob just figured he'd be a dick to all of them, so it didn't matter much to him. One of her friends, Natalie, had a date whose name escapes me. Nice girl, looked a little too much like Shelly Duvall for my liking, but whatever. We made small talk while Rob was being talked at by Heather, then I was introduced to their other friend, who was brand new to the school & who was dateless. Raven haired girl named Susan, who immediately struck me as something completely different. I'll need to watch out like really carefully here, because there's a good chance I could get myself in troubleeh, fuck it. Whereas most of the girls at school were trying to be something they thought others would like, she came off as someone who was happy with herself. And she was the smartest fucking chick I'd ever met; I'd never met anyone up to that point with anything resembling a sharp wit, but she had it in abundance. Soon all of us were in the gym, acting like morons because it's socially acceptable at that age. Rob, though, was pissing me off. He was just being downright nasty to Heather, which just wasn't cool. You don't ask someone to dance, then not dance, then run & hide in the men's room so you don't have to see them while your date is in tears. That's just fucked up. Of course, if I'm out with a guy now who leaves his date on the dance floor & runs to the bathroom, I'd probably laugh at how odd the whole thing was. But at the time, I was hot.
So I did what any friend would: apologize profusely to his date, then go fuck with him in the bathroom stall until he came out. He came out eventually, & there wasn't much else in the way of issues, mainly because I told him I'd kick his ass if he didn't man up. But that isn't the important part, I guess. That would be Susan, the aforementioned raven haired wit machine. Man, I don't know what it was about her that interested me, but it fucking got me right away. As a slow song came on, I want to say something like Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply," which I hate, I figured I'd ask her to dance. She was leaning against the bleachers, & I asked her, & she said yes. To this day it amazes me how I was able to find the balls to ask her. I'm a lot better now than I was at things like that, sure, but then it was terrible. So when she said yes, I exploded with all kinds of happy thoughts & stupid shit. A slow dance, with an awesome chick, who could hold a conversation. I didn't know that was a possible combination. So we spent the dance dancing (fucking duh) & mocking everyone else there. I'd never had someone I could mock people with before! Fuck! It was absolutely wonderful. The song ended, & Rob suddenly got anal about wanting to leave, the bastard. However, the next song was fucking Creed, so I'm willing to forgive him. So, we said our goodbyes, & headed out the door. Heather watched us head into his family's van with a huge smile on her face, despite Rob never changing his opinion of her. I was happier than I'd ever been.
"Heather's friend was fucking awesome!" I said to him as we left.
"Yeah," says Rob. "What was her name again?"
"oh shit" But I'll spare you the rest.
Basically, even though time hasn't been as kind to it as it could have (& should have) been, & even though I'm essentially a totally different person now, as is almost everyone, it still is one of the best moments of my life. I still remember it fondly, & always will. It's been about six years now, but it still is so fresh in my head. Amidst all the bullshit happening everywhere else in my life at the time, this was the one night, the one moment, the one time I felt happier than I ever could have thought was possible. As I write this now, I think back to how shockingly simple a lot of things were, but how complex it was to figure out. Like trying to climb over exploding barbed wire to unwrap a chocolate kiss. I honestly doubt anyone mentioned has the same feelings about that night as I do, & I guess that's okay. But I would say that night changed my life in a lot of ways, changed how I looked at things, what I looked for in people, specifically women. And it changed how I looked at my friends, &what I would look for in one. And there you go.