.....I woke up angry as hell. Don't worry..Im smoking now. its subsiding. I just came to realize a few things. I don't like my multiple personalities. They fuck up everything. Like how did I even survive the past few months of self destruction? I wasnt sleeping. I couldn't. I was submitting myself to some pretty dangerous drinking. I kept saying to myself, I don't drink that much. I really still can't see how I drank so much because I don't think I did. But i had no problem waking up to the idea of some tequila or vodka in my OJ. And another drink around dinner before I get smashed in the evening. Enough to drown out the thoughts and feelings. Enough to black out on several occasions, disgusted with my actions when I came to, but not enough to keep me from drinking again. Fast forward to today. I have no desire to drink at all. It could be my mania kicking in, it could be my goody two shoes personality who knows but I finally made a decision.
I had a margarita the day before yesterday. It made me remember when was the last time I had a drink and a little about the last time I drank, when I was drinking and it was fucken bad.
I wanted to share this with you all, so that I can and will address this issue.
I am Tiffany. I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been in Colorado the past two weeks or so and I have had 1 drink. Im proud of myself. This is my route to recovery. I would like to take this time to extend the invitation to stop drinking all together with me starting December 25th. Its my christmas present to my liver (haha) and my body and my mind. I love my relatives and friends but I see it as a way better investment to put effort in bettering myself than to participate in the usual rituals and festivities that feed our addictions and keep our minds and bodies in the mediocre puddles we wade in as time passes us by quicker with every year. Im making a true life change. Not for religion this time. Not because I am holding life in my body. Not because I can't afford to. Not to lose weight. But I am making this change for ME, MYSELF and I. I feel like this will definitely be the start of something beautiful.
