tattoo_kitten

"I'm really sorry for this email but I need to vent to someone who knows I'm not a bad person.

Ok so this morning Andrew calls me into his office, shuts the door and says I want to talk to you about the atmosphere in the office. I've had Jill in here and she's really upset at the whole situation and I want to know what's going on. I say nothings wrong. He said well she tells me that you don't talk and then when she leaves the room you talk to Tina and the conversations end as soon as she gets back in the room, also you send her emails instead of talking to her and I don't think thats necessary and you never say goodbye to her.
Me - I do say good bye to her
Andrew - well I don't want to get into the she said she said, but I don't know what to do, I know you don't talk to her and I don't know what to do about it
Me - umm well ok I didn't tell you this because I didn't want to put you in a difficult situation but a while ago I told her something that was confidential and I said these people know, these people don't and I don't want these people to know, then I find out that she told the people I asked her not to tell and it kinda upset me and I don't know how to talk to her any more because I worry that I might say something accidentally and it will get back to someone and upset them.
A - well Jill's upset, can't you forgive her, we all have to work together. Would it make it easier if I get her in here and tell her what you said?
Me - no, I don't think that will help, I'll make more of an effort and try to join in more and talk more
A - ok good.

Just to clarify - I send her emails about important phone calls and messages if she's on lunch or if I'm about to go to lunch, because sometimes my handwriting can be messy and having a hard copy is essential for telephone numbers etc. Granted Tina and I do have convos when shes not here, but normally she joins in the end or they start and she doesn't join in (like the past 3 days). She has also been bad mouthing me to people who work here and I just found out why she's spending so much time downstairs read on for that answer!

So I try and I talk more, but I'm busy doing stupid BSP and I've emailed Tina telling her what happened and she's like are you ok, me yea, but then I realise that Im not, Im upset and angry and I want to cry because she fucking started it and betrayed my confidence and because I didn't complain to Andrew I'm now in the shit. So I haven't cried yet and every time someone asks if I'm ok, I smile and say yes, other than that I'm soaking in my own misery and have a face like a thundercloud, I admit it.

Anyway I have lunch and go out because I seriously cannot cope being in here atm, I come back and Jill and Linda are talking and as I walk in the convo changes and I think uhuh subtle. Then 45mins passes every ones still ok, I wash up my cup (I still have my pissed off face on) Angie walks passed me are you ok Jeni, me - yup, Jill goes downstairs and Linda leaves off L - bye see you tomorrow, me - big smile bye see ya later!

Ok Jill still isn't back at 4.20, then she comes up turns off her computer and clears up her stuff and leaves with a see you tomorrow, me - yea bye!

Angie comes up and walks in As office and says I just sent Jill home and then she shuts the door. She's in there for like 20mins and I sit out and I can't believe it, Jills been downstairs fucking crying to Linda, Angie and everyone else about how I'm a bad person and how upset she is and Angie's sent her home. Angie comes out and goes back downstairs and I assume that she's working out whats been said.

I can't believe, I'm sitting here holding back my tears and I'm being fucking penalised for not showing the world how upset I am. I seriously feel like going to the doctors tomorrow and asking for a week on the club due to stress, even then people will probably make out that I'm making it up. The worst thing is I don't know whats been said, but I now think that everyone is blaming me for the atmosphere.

God what do I do? I feel so sick."