tatian

::wakes up::

so a friend just gave me a wake up call, that i suppose i needed pretty badly. HA.

errr... ok... He is right. I just read over my last blogs - and they are all pretty much the same old, depressing shit. And it makes me sad to read over them.

I do not mean to post shit like that all the time. But, on the other hand, since we are all being so brutally honest, i don't expect anyone to read my posts and if you do, then that is your choice... I am not pulling legs here.

I understand that my shit is "down" but i got nothing else to share right now. THAT is how I "feel"

I am "depressed" and I have plenty of issues, but so does everyone else... Just because ppl keep that shit to themselves, does not mean that they do not have shit...

everyone's got shit - some worse than others, some not so bad...

I dunno where I stand in all of this, I "feel" like I am in a bad place right now...

::shrugs::

and now I feel bad for "sharing" that with the rest of you and I dont think anyone should feel bad about "venting"...

***

But anyways, in "light" of this realization... of my being so utterly depressing and exhausting (which I am, right now. I will be the first to admitt)...

I can also be "positive"

Here's ten things I am thankful for:

1) My little sister. I finally get to live close to her, here in Texas, and I LOVE that.
2) My gramma is still alive. (Altho sick) I am happy that she is STILL around... and I will never forget all the great times together - she practically raised me and is a true inspiration of what it is to be a "strong" woman.
3) My doggie. Charlie is awesome. I love him to death and while he is sick too, I am greatful that is with ME now, so at least he will live the REST of his life in peace, and with someone who loves him very much.
4) My friends... Michael, Chris, Andy... Eduardo - for telling me like it is, even tho I don't like to hear it... ppl like you - thanks... I appreciate it. really...
5) My car. It's got 255 thousand miles on it, no registration and it is PURRING like a damn kitten.
6) SG!!!!! (I am a walking billboard for them) Naked ladies and cool ppl... 24 hours a day?! - ROCK ON.
7) Running. My legs hurt, but i can still run like the dickens... I am thankful for that, running makes me feel good and lowers stress...
8) My job. At least I have one and can afford to take care of myself and keep a roof over my head. A lot of ppl dont even have that much...
9) internet... I N T E R N E T. God damn! what would I do without it???!!! (I could totally do without a cell phone)
10) internet (again)... I don't have access at home, but at least I have access... albeit, i am sitting on a rock hard floor and my ass hurts. (HAHAHA) at least I can get it...
11) My dad (these are in no particular order, btw, or else he'd be at the top)... He is terribly negative (which is proabably why I am so terribly negative,) BUT, on the other hand... I have learned A LOT from him; how NOT to be like him and we some how manage to keep ourselves up, outta the mudd... ironically. We are really good at helping eachother out, but not ourselves... guess we got some more shit to learn.. My dad loves me to death and while he is struggling like so many other ppl out there in this economy he still insists on "helping me out" - which i am greatful for. I owe him my life; he's never not been there for me.
12) My step dad. I am greatful that he has stepped in and given my lil sister a father figure. I love that he loves my mom...
13) tattoos...
14) paper... art... pencils... I LIVE to draw...
15) MUUUUSIC; NIN, Tool... Deftones... they all rock my socks... I am greatful for all their shit. I could listen to them for days and days and days... Reznor is an inspiration when it comes to music...

I could go on... but my ass really does hurt from sitting on this floor.

HA.

Again. The truth is, I am DEPRESSED. I have been since I was... 15? 16? and with GOOOOD reason (I've been thru A LOT of fucked up shit, which i WON'T share...) I have fibromyalgia and it hurts like a motherfucker. Dumb shit like that, day in and day out puts me in a BAD place, most of the time...

but please dont think that I am "all bad" cause I am not...

Anyhoo... I gtg. my computer battery is gonna die...

peace love and all that jazz...

XOxoXOxoXOxo