this nagging voice... urge... in my subconcious... why wont it shut up?
i know i said i was ready to accept my fate, to start acting in accord with my destiny, but i continue to force it all out, to shut it up, through copius drug use. alcohol will keep it at bay for a day or two, but the physical misery the day after really blows. opioids will shut it out for a day after the fact, but the withdrawl isnt worth it.
so maybe its time i stop running away and start running with. but i cant start acting as i should until i know the whole Truth. only bits and pieces are known to me now, at least conciously. my scope is running more towards the macro, and my concious effect in my life lessens; the subconcious autopilot takes care of most everything, because free will is merely an illusion.
at least distraction in contentment makes it shut the fuck up.
i know i said i was ready to accept my fate, to start acting in accord with my destiny, but i continue to force it all out, to shut it up, through copius drug use. alcohol will keep it at bay for a day or two, but the physical misery the day after really blows. opioids will shut it out for a day after the fact, but the withdrawl isnt worth it.
so maybe its time i stop running away and start running with. but i cant start acting as i should until i know the whole Truth. only bits and pieces are known to me now, at least conciously. my scope is running more towards the macro, and my concious effect in my life lessens; the subconcious autopilot takes care of most everything, because free will is merely an illusion.
at least distraction in contentment makes it shut the fuck up.
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Belief in fate is the biggest lie you can tell yourself. It won't sooth your wounds and will gleefully buttfuck you if you accept it. Getting buttfucked by fate isn't pretty because fate always forgets to bring lube.
You better start acting on what you know because it may be 20 years before you get a grip on the bigger picture. You will NEVER KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH!!! What are you going to do in the mean time? Wait? LOL!
Do you owe yourself a life better than one directed by your autopilot? Hell yes!
Is self destruction really a better course of action? What if you had more options? What we've got here is a failure of imagination. A failure to imagine more options.
Suffer as a space cadet or get engaged and possibly enjoy doing things? What a concept!?
I see you've listed no heros. How about asking yourself WWMD? (What would Miyazaki do?) Try filling in different artists, or samurai...even people you hate.
"Oh, the things I've seen with your eyes!" Roy Batty