tasteofdesire

i am so tired of being in pain over him. i have so, so many nice, sweet, HOT boys who want to date me, love me, spoil me, be with me, and all i want is the jerk who works in my soon-to-be-former-office who treats me like shit most of the time but has me hanging by a word or a smile or a wink or a text.

it gets annoying to type over and over so it must get annoying to read. but i don't care. this is my fucking blog for a reason.

all my friends hate him. that's usually a sign that he's not the guy for you. but i ignore them, all of them, because clearly, i know better. i, with the failed marriage and failed relationships, know better than those in HAPPY relationships. obviously.

it's just that... i can have a date with the smartest, sweetest boy i've ever known. i can sit there and talk to him about everything in our lives. he could take me dancing and buy me roses and hang on my every word. i could think he's the hottest man i've ever seen. and he STILL wouldn't measure up.

nothing anyone else makes me feel ever measures up to the way chris makes me feel when he smiles.

it sounds so ridiculous and sappy and far too romantic - and not in the lovey dovey way but in the fantasy-that's-never-coming-true way - but it's the truth, and i have to spill it somewhere safe.

and this is the only place he can't get to. the only part of me that stays out of his sight. the only place i can hide from him.

i don't have many, after all.