why do people always bring up something irrelevant during an argument when you say something to them that hits a nerve? example:
ME- " you have always been known to put a man before your children. Not mad about it. Just what it is. Im sure if you guys were to get back together today, it'd be the same. "
MOM- (beligerently) "you guys are already grown up. If I want to get back with your father today, so what! Im an adult too so whats it to you!"
ME-"Im not disputing that. Im just saying that you always have put him first which is why were not close and why I said no when you ask me to come around"
MOM-"I loved your father for 30 years and the loive for a man is different than that of a child. so what if I choose to get back with your father. thats my choice"
ME-" I never said it wasnt. Im justsaying that he comes first as he always has"
MOM-"I dont know what youre talking about then. I raised you three alone, I didnt go out and partyt like other young mothers do. I had to work three jobs to support you guys....." (at this point I block her out)
ME- " ok, mom. if that makes you feel better. But Im not saying anything about you and dad getting back toger now..
Mom_ (cuts me off)- "YOU SHOULDNT! I can get with whoever I want to"
ME-" I have never said anything about that. I was just trying to answer your question as to why I never come around for the holidays and why I wont be there again this year, like every year. I dont care to be around you guys because I feel theres a disconnect between my sisters, whom I share no emotional bond and even less with you because I feel that you have always put my dad before us and we never got close. As a result, I dont care to be around you. I neversaid anything about you and dade getting back together. BUt if you choose to, thats your choice."
MOM- " I doont want to get back with that piece of shit. why would you even think that? I just invited you because thats what familys supposed to do. Why are you always tring to get into somebody else family. Were your blood so you have to come be with us, even if you dont like us. that soesnt matter, were still your family"
ME-" Im sorry mom. I dont believe that blood equals family. I believe its a title to be earned like everything else in this wold. I dont think I should have to put up with the headache you guys give me simply because youre blood. Whether you like it or not, the only family I acknowledge is the one that took me in when I lived on the streets and showed me the true meaning of love and family values. Thats what a family is to me"
MOM-"youre so stupid. You just want to be right."
ME (rolls eyes)-"yes mom"
MOM "youre so narrow minded. one day youre going ot see that your blood has to come first and that woman you call mom is no one. she didnt push you out. IM your mother, I carried you"
ME- "thats the nature of things. a woman gives labor. spitting out a kid doesnt make you a mom. and I higlhly doubt you had a miserable time getting pregnat since you always say I was an accidet. You didnt do me any favors so get over that"
MOM-"youre so narrow minded.. bla bla bla bla bla"
ME-"I dont want ot argue anymore. Im going to my room"
MOM- " I can never talk to you cause youre so stupid and ignorant and narrow minded. All you want is to be right and force your beliefs upon people"
(CLOSES DOOR)
MOM- "STUPID GIRL!"
and you wonder why I wish you were dead....
'
ME- " you have always been known to put a man before your children. Not mad about it. Just what it is. Im sure if you guys were to get back together today, it'd be the same. "
MOM- (beligerently) "you guys are already grown up. If I want to get back with your father today, so what! Im an adult too so whats it to you!"
ME-"Im not disputing that. Im just saying that you always have put him first which is why were not close and why I said no when you ask me to come around"
MOM-"I loved your father for 30 years and the loive for a man is different than that of a child. so what if I choose to get back with your father. thats my choice"
ME-" I never said it wasnt. Im justsaying that he comes first as he always has"
MOM-"I dont know what youre talking about then. I raised you three alone, I didnt go out and partyt like other young mothers do. I had to work three jobs to support you guys....." (at this point I block her out)
ME- " ok, mom. if that makes you feel better. But Im not saying anything about you and dad getting back toger now..
Mom_ (cuts me off)- "YOU SHOULDNT! I can get with whoever I want to"
ME-" I have never said anything about that. I was just trying to answer your question as to why I never come around for the holidays and why I wont be there again this year, like every year. I dont care to be around you guys because I feel theres a disconnect between my sisters, whom I share no emotional bond and even less with you because I feel that you have always put my dad before us and we never got close. As a result, I dont care to be around you. I neversaid anything about you and dade getting back together. BUt if you choose to, thats your choice."
MOM- " I doont want to get back with that piece of shit. why would you even think that? I just invited you because thats what familys supposed to do. Why are you always tring to get into somebody else family. Were your blood so you have to come be with us, even if you dont like us. that soesnt matter, were still your family"
ME-" Im sorry mom. I dont believe that blood equals family. I believe its a title to be earned like everything else in this wold. I dont think I should have to put up with the headache you guys give me simply because youre blood. Whether you like it or not, the only family I acknowledge is the one that took me in when I lived on the streets and showed me the true meaning of love and family values. Thats what a family is to me"
MOM-"youre so stupid. You just want to be right."
ME (rolls eyes)-"yes mom"
MOM "youre so narrow minded. one day youre going ot see that your blood has to come first and that woman you call mom is no one. she didnt push you out. IM your mother, I carried you"
ME- "thats the nature of things. a woman gives labor. spitting out a kid doesnt make you a mom. and I higlhly doubt you had a miserable time getting pregnat since you always say I was an accidet. You didnt do me any favors so get over that"
MOM-"youre so narrow minded.. bla bla bla bla bla"
ME-"I dont want ot argue anymore. Im going to my room"
MOM- " I can never talk to you cause youre so stupid and ignorant and narrow minded. All you want is to be right and force your beliefs upon people"
(CLOSES DOOR)
MOM- "STUPID GIRL!"
and you wonder why I wish you were dead....
'
also, thats an intense conversation.
um, wow. yeah, i don't really blame you for not wanting to be around that.