tarts

Haven't been writing lately. Not here, not on paper, or anywhere else actually. No time to wirte. no time to go out. No time to eat. No time to sleep. No time for anything. Im so sick of this lifestyle but I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have school. Im so tired of working 6 days a week and going to school full time. Im in class from 7am to 1 pm then I rush over to work cause I start at 2 where Ill get yelled at agin for working too slow cause im exhausted from studying all night. My back hurts, my neck hurts, my head hurts. Everything hurts. Even my fucking hair hurts. I don't even know why I do this anymore. Why do I even want to go to school? Why do I want an education? Whoever said ignorance is bliss desserves a cookie and chocolate bar for being so right. My mom seemed happy being a little housewife, living in the shadows of her man. My sis doesn't mind it either. Why couldn't I have such simple taste? Why couldn't I have been content being a good little Mexican wife like every other girl in my family? Where did this desire for knowledge come from? I didn't even know what the fuck college was until I was 14 and I didn't think it was possible until I was 21. So why oh why do I do this I ask myself as I struggle to roll my ass out of bed at 5 in the morning after passing out at 1am with a history book on my chest. "I thought you were already done with school" everyone tells me. "Im working towards a Bachelors you fucking twit!", I want to scream, "you know that shiny paper white peole have on their wall in a frame? Yeah, us ghetto asses can have that too". But I bite my tongue and explain that I merely finished the program that makes me a culinarian (NOT CHEF) and it was only an AA I received in culinary arts. Which, by the way, carries about all the weight of a high school diploma in this day & age. After all, community college is just high school with an ashtray. This and a million other thoughts are going through my head as I stand patiently in line to get on the bus. Money, Money, Money.. Lets see I get paid friday. Moms going to hit me up to pay the electricity and gas bills, plus my own cell phone bill, I need to buy a computer for school, I still have to go pay for my summer classes, have a history test tomorrow, Gabby better come drop off my money already, I'm so tired and I don't get a day off til saturday... "you can get on" the bus driver pops my my bubble of thoughts and I snap out of it. Haha... why am I doing this again?