I have always preferred to keep as much of my personal life off this site as possible. OK, I've admitted to my little crushes in the past but Ive never mentioned any names and I've never bitched about someone if we've had a falling out.
But right now, I'm really hurting and I need to get it out and deal with it.
About 6 weeks ago I met an SG member who made me really happy. We had lots in common, got on really well, he was gentle, sweet, intelligent and kind and even though we lived many miles from one another I was happy to give the long distance thing a go because I felt he was worth it.
When he went home after staying with me we swapped silly, romantic emails every day, exchanged songs, talked about longer visits.
Then about a month ago we had a fight. I was willing to concede that I had started it and I apologised. I thought we would move on, that things between us were so good we'd be over it in a day or so and carry on.
But that was 4 weeks ago and things never really went back to how they were. He never got over it. His emails became cold, ambivilant, he said he wanted space, started telling me about all the girls in his local area he'd like to be dating.
Because neither of us could afford to travel to see one another I was willing to compromise. We'd have the summer as single people to do what we liked and see how things stood in a few months time.
Not even that was enough. When I said I could get a cheap flight he responded saying he only wanted friendship from me from now on, but too much had happened for me to deal with that. My feelings for him were too strong for me to cope with just friendship so I bit the bullet and told him I thought it would be better to just call everything off.
That was yesterday. Now things have got really nasty. I've been told I'm exhibiting all the signs of clinical depression and that he cant handle having a relationship with someone with my problem. This was the conclusion he came to after I mentioned the fact that I was having trouble getting out of bed (late nights) and I'm feeling fragile right now (thats whats known as having a period).
So to cut a long story short, I had nowehere left to go and no option left to me but to call him and tell him never to contact me again.
Now I'm dealing with the emotional fall out from making that call. Relief that this isnt going to go on any longer, guilt for letting my anger get the better of me, anguish because I will miss the wonderful, kind, sexy man who visited me 6 weeks ago. I wont miss the person he came to be.
Finally, it will always remain a mystery to me, unless one day he decides to explain it to me, why he was willing to throw away something that could have been so good over what amounted to a series of misunderstandings.
Caveat:
This is my side of the story. I'm sure he has his own and I wont deny him that. It's just a shame it's come down to this when it didnt have to.
But right now, I'm really hurting and I need to get it out and deal with it.
About 6 weeks ago I met an SG member who made me really happy. We had lots in common, got on really well, he was gentle, sweet, intelligent and kind and even though we lived many miles from one another I was happy to give the long distance thing a go because I felt he was worth it.
When he went home after staying with me we swapped silly, romantic emails every day, exchanged songs, talked about longer visits.
Then about a month ago we had a fight. I was willing to concede that I had started it and I apologised. I thought we would move on, that things between us were so good we'd be over it in a day or so and carry on.
But that was 4 weeks ago and things never really went back to how they were. He never got over it. His emails became cold, ambivilant, he said he wanted space, started telling me about all the girls in his local area he'd like to be dating.
Because neither of us could afford to travel to see one another I was willing to compromise. We'd have the summer as single people to do what we liked and see how things stood in a few months time.
Not even that was enough. When I said I could get a cheap flight he responded saying he only wanted friendship from me from now on, but too much had happened for me to deal with that. My feelings for him were too strong for me to cope with just friendship so I bit the bullet and told him I thought it would be better to just call everything off.
That was yesterday. Now things have got really nasty. I've been told I'm exhibiting all the signs of clinical depression and that he cant handle having a relationship with someone with my problem. This was the conclusion he came to after I mentioned the fact that I was having trouble getting out of bed (late nights) and I'm feeling fragile right now (thats whats known as having a period).
So to cut a long story short, I had nowehere left to go and no option left to me but to call him and tell him never to contact me again.
Now I'm dealing with the emotional fall out from making that call. Relief that this isnt going to go on any longer, guilt for letting my anger get the better of me, anguish because I will miss the wonderful, kind, sexy man who visited me 6 weeks ago. I wont miss the person he came to be.
Finally, it will always remain a mystery to me, unless one day he decides to explain it to me, why he was willing to throw away something that could have been so good over what amounted to a series of misunderstandings.
Caveat:
This is my side of the story. I'm sure he has his own and I wont deny him that. It's just a shame it's come down to this when it didnt have to.
VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
The real irony is he'll try and contact you in 5 years time to figure out why it went wrong.
I hate the stage just after the relief wears out. You feel so drained, lost and empty.
I'm sure you have plenty of friends around to keep you company and you know you are best out of it in the long run. If he can't make it with you through a slight blip, then it really is not worth it.
Just hold on, dig in, love yourself. Things always get better. *hug*