Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

tarnished_fairy

Edmonton

Member Since 2006

Followers 52 Following 41

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Wednesday Oct 31, 2007

Oct 30, 2007
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
I found the site where i posted all my poems last night... i went looking for my favorite..
it was written about/for an ex. and not surprisingly made me think of him today.

he was this sort of dark metal god lol. one of the most amazingly gorgeous human beings i've ever met. his eyes literally made me melt, and his voice was so incredibly sexy. he was tall and gothic, geeky but with incredible arms. we could just spend hours talking, about everything, he understood my love of old movies and actually watched them with me (lol), and he loved me. he offered to take me away from all the shit that was going on, we were going to go to scotland. he was going to just quit his job one day, pick me up and we'd run away. i know it sounds like a total bs fairytale... but it wasn't. that's just the kind of guy he was and he meant it.

and for a moment today, while everything continued to go to shit i thought about what things would have been like if i hadn't ended it.

and while stuck in that moment of shere fantasy, i remembered that i wasn't happy then. looking through my other poems i never realized how unhappy i was, how scared i was. remembering how close i was to ending my life. at one point it's all i thought about, and it's forever immortalized in my writing. i scared myself while reading them.

So i had a near perfect guy, and i still wasn't feeling safe. i couldn't shake the past, the memories of that which haunted me. and no matter how perfect he was for me, i just couldn't love him. i think i found it all unsettling, maybe undeserved. whatever it was... just the feeling that it wasn't enough, he couldn't really protect me. it wasn't right.

then max came along, and things got better. i've been able to put a lot of the past behind me. no longer plagued by nightmares. i don't think about killing myself anymore and i'm actually happy and in love. smile even my sickness has backed off. he has become the literal everything.

I never before thought that i would get married ever, honestly i had this vision of myself as being locked away in a mental institution.. straight-jacket and padded room.

and max isn't perfect, he has difficulty listening and paying attention, can be incredibly inconsiderate, doesn't think things through, forgets everything i tell him, puts others first before me. but he's everything i want and need, i love him.

and it's that thought that kept me from going psycho on the idiots who still haven't installed my screen door and decided that they would (without asking) hook up their power tools to the outlets in my living room, not only making me pay for the power they used all day but also leaving my front door open. and they didn't even work on my door at all. bastards. it shouldn't take 3 days to install 6 screen doors (especially when you have 4 guys working on it).

which reminds me, happy halloween everyone.

More Blogs

  • 04.22.08
    1

    Tuesday Apr 22, 2008

    Good Bye SG
  • 04.20.08
    0

    Sunday Apr 20, 2008

    We might be moving to Texas next February. Max got offered this g…
  • 04.14.08
    0

    Monday Apr 14, 2008

    So apparently (according to an ex-aunt and uncle and cousin) i'm not …
  • 04.13.08
    0

    Sunday Apr 13, 2008

    we took myth to the vet this morning... she hurt her hips some how. t…
  • 04.12.08
    0

    Sunday Apr 13, 2008

    So i went to edson and told my parents yesterday... apparently dad…
  • 04.10.08
    0

    Friday Apr 11, 2008

    I'm 22 today. and all i want is for no morning sickness for tomor…
  • 04.08.08
    0

    Tuesday Apr 08, 2008

    So i got my wedding dress today... I'm not happy. it looks like an…
  • 04.06.08
    0

    Sunday Apr 06, 2008

    I had my first round of morning sickness this morning.. I was expecti…
  • 03.31.08
    0

    Monday Mar 31, 2008

    two days in a row i've melting something in my oven yesterday it w…
  • 03.30.08
    0

    Sunday Mar 30, 2008

    "I imagine people in Tokyo fear you" Max's response to how much of…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
8
months
20
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,589 SuicideGirls
  • 1,123,647 followers
  • 14,908,343 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,362,923 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo