tarajane

I hate it that I'm so chuck full of ideas and missions, and imagination, and the pursuance to really know people, and steal pieces of them ... but I'm confined to this existence where I have to put on a face, and do what I'm supposed to or people are upset. I don't know how to explain it, i don't know how to deal with it....A fair explanation of a time when I truly felt raw, and me, and freer than I've ever been, was when my husband and I were separated, and I out of the blue decided to take an impromptu trip to Wyoming. My older daughter took lots of pictures, we had a fabulous time, I was totally in control, and planned and decided every move. It was both intoxicating and liberating to realize that I was both capable, and able to handle my life without others direction or advice. All was good...and fun, and one of the best times of my life. I hate that I always have to feel guilty for being me. or guilty if i want to do something spontaneous. Guilty for not being the status quo. so i am the status quo. and I do it day in and day out...and just breathe deeply untill summer comes and I can loose myself in my yard, and bonfires, and the river.