tanzi

I don't know if you're aware of this, so I'll tell you; I love America. That great country I see in the words of Jack Kerouac, hear in the very first notes of 'Teen Age Riot' and taste in every JD and coke. Alright, so we gave you The Beatles AND The Rolling Stones - and you still haven't said thank you - but you've given us everything else damn it. The 70s came and went and yeah, The Clash were pretty good but they were never as cool as Television, and that whole CBGBs crowed? Well, gosh darn it, I bet they could have kicked our arse had it come to it. So John Lydon might be flogging margarine and they've got Iggy Pop trying to sell me my car insurance, but fuck if Iggy doesn't look cool doing it. Especially next to that worn out, bloated twunt*. The majority of the 80s isn't worth recapping even if I knew anything about it, which I don't. But the 90s? WOW! We had some good bands, but compared to Pavement, Sonic Youth, REM, Nine Inch Nails... Oasis - and we still haven't apologised for them - never stood a chance. Even if they weren't shit. And as for the present day, well you guys are just wiping the floor with us.

So what am I trying to say? Even through that awkward George W Bush phase, I still loved you America and I want you to know this. Especially when I say that sometimes, you really are freakin' stupid!

It's come to my attention that there seems to be a great deal of hostility towards one particular musical genre here on SG, and it's something you Yanks are famed for more than any other. That's right ladies and germs, it's COUNTRY MUSIC! And if there's something else I want you to know, it's that I love country music.

Someone told me that country sells more in America than it does in the rest of world combined, and this I can believe. It's like your factory setting, your restore to default. Big stupid hats and laughably elaborate boots all wrapped up in a package so red blooded and chisel jawed that it couldn't exist anywhere else, and it's amazing that it took so long for someone to make a movie in which two such perpetrators drop the pretense and just get on with fucking each other. This is the public face of country music, and it seems ridiculous that it would take a pale English boy to tell you all that this is wrong. In just the same way as 50 Cent, P Diddy and Akon ARE NOT hip hop, Garth Brooks and anyone with the surname Cirus can go swivel on it.

I've seen enough of your god awful television to know that you like nothing more than a snappy image, regardless of substance and that is EXACTLY what these guys are peddling. 50 Cent is no more hip hop than I am; he is, at best, a good business man. Some business men sell socks, others double glazing, and Fiddy? He's giving you a lifestyle, a way of speaking, of dressing. Buy the album if you must, but make sure you also pick up the tshirt and video game to go with it.

De La Soul, Dead Prez, KRS One, Gang Starr, Eric B & Rakim... these guys are hip hop. And who did they leave us with? MF Doom, Mos Def, Boombip, Doseone, Jurassic 5, and so many more! But they don't want to be wrapped (ha ha) up in a bow and sold on the open market like the business men. And as for country's new shining stars? Bright Eyes, M Ward, Micah P Hinson, Calexico, Bon Iver, Fleet Foxes, The Felice Brothers, Jenny Lewis, Wilco... so many incredible musicians!! And, I would wager, not a ten gallon hat between them. It's so easy to believe the stereotype and just ignore some music completely (I did it with hip hop for the longest time) but please don't. Especially not one as diverse and steeped in your own culture as this. And anyway, it's called Americana now, so you don't have to get embarrassed.

Rant over.



*twunt, fact finders, is the glorious amalgamation of twat and cunt, used only in exceptional circumstances.