Have you ever gone some where and felt like you were holding them back or they dearly wanted you to leave but didn't want to say it out right? I feel like this everytime I go to my boyfriends store, as if he wants me to be anywhere else but around him. Even when we are out doing something I feel him mentally ticking off the minutes until he doesn't have to be with me anymore or can get rid of me. I'm not sure how to be happy anymore, the happiness I was once so sure would come seems hazy and so far off in the distance that I want to cry. Things always seem to get better and than they go back to bad, I don't even remember what it feels like not to feel stressed out or hopeless. His daughter is the only thing that makes me smile but even that smile is forced and the laughter feels empty. I try to laugh and than I can feel the discomfort rise up in my throat and I want to run very far away. How can I feel so lonely when I have so many people constantly surrounding me? The only time I feel close to him anymore is when we make love and he whispers over and over again "I love you" and even after sex the tears start to well up in my eyes and my sinus's fill up and I have to resist the urge to cry. Whats happening to me? Why can't I feel that spark of happiness bubbling up in me, inspiring me? 
