tank_ex_mortis

I just wrote the best story ever in flipnslide's journal. I'll post it here, too. Because I'm just that wonderful.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a king. He was not a happy king, because he had a really terrible case of hemorrhoids. One day, while the king was trying to sit down, a funny little man came into the throne room.
"Ggghhhh... Yes?" said the king.
"Your majesty, I have come here because I have heard that you've got a really terrible case of hemorrhoids." said the funny little man.
"That's... Ridiculous!" Said the king. "Could you fetch me that pillow over there?" The funny little man did, and the king sat down with some difficulty.
"Now," said the pained king, "Where did you hear this ridiculous and unfounded rumor?"
"I read it a couple paragraphs back." Said the wiseass little man.
"Wiseass." Said the king.
"I have come," said the funny little wiseass, "To inform you that I have an excellent cure for hemmorhoids."
"WHATWHATWHATWHAT TELLMEKNOW!!" said the always calm and collected king.
"Well, first..."
Then, just at that moment, a HUGE FUCKING COMET came in and crushed the little man like the bitch that he is. That'll teach you to read the story ahead of time. Asshole.
"Hey!" said the king. "Whatthefuckwasthat? What about my hemmorhoids?"
"Fuck your hemmorhoids." said the handsome and well-endowed narrator. "They're not even spelled right."
"I was wondering why the spelling kept changing." said the king, thereby doubting the sexy narrator.
"BAM, BITCH!" Said the narrator's gun.
"Blarg I am dead." said the dead king.
"AND IN YOUR PLACE WILL RULE A..." said the narrator, pausing for effect (because he's just that awesome) "... ZOMBIE KING!"
And everybody lived happily ever after, except the people who the new king ate.

Now wasn't that a great story?
Say yes.
SAY YES, DAMMIT!