tanja

I'm sitting here, going out of my mind with restlessness, feeling as though there's someone I want to reach out to, and I cant think of anyone. I'm trying deperately to avoid being a whiny crybaby, but the 8 years of Prozac pills that have been dislodged from my system are slowly beginning to be missed, and I now see by my hopelessly weepy nature why I was on the medicine to begin with. I should have learned to deal with these emotions in my twenties, when my woes were blanketed by those stupid little capsules, but I'm only learning to develop the coping mechanisms now. About five or six times a day, I'm on the verge of breaking down and weeping. It takes a great deal of energy for me to even try to stay afloat without shedding a tear.

But I would not have it any other way, because then I wouldnt have the yings, either. Or are they the yangs? In either case, the periodic feelings of bliss that I did not have while medicated are worth all the bouts with sadness that I come across daily. Also, I'm simply aiming to view the sad episodes as exercises in strength, and I draw on humor to help me through.

And did I mention that crying can actually feel nice?
Like a release of sorts. Who is it that said crying was bad, anyway?

I saw a doctor about this a few weeks ago. He told me I needed to be on a medicine that took six weeks to work and whose one side effect was a fatal rash. I told him thank you, no. And until my emotionality starts to impact my life so that I cannot function, I welcome my sadness because I can only hope for and look forward to the happy times that will offset it.