So the season turns to one of reflection, of looking over our shoulders at the year behind us. And what better way to review the year than in the style of the BBC shipping forecast?
January: Depression rising 6 to 8. Wintry showers decreasing mood by mid-month. Definite cold front detected from Germany.
February: Wave of gastric flu veering in early. Weight decreasing to 10 stone. Mood continuing moderate to poor.
March: Depression decreasing 3 to 4. Emotional numbness steadily reasserting later.
April: Nondescipt warm front veering south-east. Interrupted intermittently by occasional essay, perhaps severe later.
May: Mood lightening 6 to 7. Strong monotony broken by succession of serious musical gigs coming in from North.
June: Introspection rising. Wanderlust east 6 increasing 7 to 8. Exams minimal; given short shrift.
July: Summer moving in at slow pace. Mood lightening later on, producing intermittent spells of excess.
August: Australian cold front 3 to 4 retreating later. Couch potato developing severe as leather hits upon willow.
September: Spirits high 7 to 8. Every moment savoured as rain to move in next month.
October: Warm spell broken by University 6 to gale 8. Severe gale 9 later. Mood moderate as Summer dissipates.
November: Boredom rising slowly as narcolepsy sets in. Mood remaining moderate to good.
December: Unexpected German cold front returning, but soon to dissipate. Illness 6 to 7, severe 8 later. Year ended on mixed terms but broadly happy.
January: Depression rising 6 to 8. Wintry showers decreasing mood by mid-month. Definite cold front detected from Germany.
February: Wave of gastric flu veering in early. Weight decreasing to 10 stone. Mood continuing moderate to poor.
March: Depression decreasing 3 to 4. Emotional numbness steadily reasserting later.
April: Nondescipt warm front veering south-east. Interrupted intermittently by occasional essay, perhaps severe later.
May: Mood lightening 6 to 7. Strong monotony broken by succession of serious musical gigs coming in from North.
June: Introspection rising. Wanderlust east 6 increasing 7 to 8. Exams minimal; given short shrift.
July: Summer moving in at slow pace. Mood lightening later on, producing intermittent spells of excess.
August: Australian cold front 3 to 4 retreating later. Couch potato developing severe as leather hits upon willow.
September: Spirits high 7 to 8. Every moment savoured as rain to move in next month.
October: Warm spell broken by University 6 to gale 8. Severe gale 9 later. Mood moderate as Summer dissipates.
November: Boredom rising slowly as narcolepsy sets in. Mood remaining moderate to good.
December: Unexpected German cold front returning, but soon to dissipate. Illness 6 to 7, severe 8 later. Year ended on mixed terms but broadly happy.
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
There is no amount of money you could pay me to have sex with a horse. Although it may be a good film. A weird beastiality spin off from Demi Moores "Indecent Proposal" perhaps?
Should pitch it to Spielberg. At least then the horse could be CGI'd and would cause less damage.