tangledupinblue

You might keep clean
in the back of an angel motorcade
It doesn't matter who walks in
you know, the joke is still the same
You'll just wake up
like a disposable lover
decomposed
I've been gone
I've been remembered
I've been alive
I've been a ghost

So now, if downtown explodes
I'll still be on this road
'til I'm delivered for the first time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to bed early last night so I could wake up early this morning. So I am sitting here with wild hair in my pajamas, Tab in hand & pugs at foot, watching the second half of USA vs. Spain in the quarterfinals of the Olympic Mens' Basketball tournament. If this really interests you, there is an entry devoted in depth to the saga of the Dreamers about two entries back.

So anyway, two days left till the escape pod leaves the mothership. A good friend, probably my best friend -- and that unlikely story is another entry for a better language -- told me last night that "Sometimes you got to put your feet in the mud. Watch out for the crawdads."

I liked that.

Jesus, the officiating sucks, especially on Duncan.

I'm trying real hard to blend in and not cause any more of a stir here, but sometimes it isn't easy to lay low. And doesn't it always seem to be the case that the people who you really don't want to talk to call you about the very things you don't want to talk? And the more they shouldn't push it is equally proportionate to the tenaciousness they show in backing you into a corner.

So what is a good gemini to do in a corner? Well, lash out seems to be the proper thing to do.

But here is where it gets tricky. The worst thing that people do is, when riffing in anger over a particular incident, generalize unfairly about people. It's poor form.

Example . . . someone shows up late for something you have tickets for -- tell them that was a huge shank, not that they are worthless and irresponsible. . . unless that is the point you have decided that it's time to make, and there is a time for that sort of stuff.

See I may have a lot of important things to say to Rainy Day Woman # 12 & 35, but right now, I am so far from home in my own head that I can't be sure what I feel. What's her, what's me, what's anger at myself, my choices or her scene? That's the danger of immersion, and the loss of perspective that all but the best of us are susceptible to.

But, man, I am relentlessly driven to search for a better perch to take things in from. I need to pull back a little from this all. Maybe I won't jump when the phone rings or start when the light blinks.

Right now I am living in the starter's blocks and everyone has a gun.

I know better than to look for the answer anywhere else than here. No one has much to give me right now and I am beyond talking to people who say "Hey JPK, what's wrong, I'd like to help."

Because a lot of time people are just in it to stroke their own egos by helping you. The problem-holder is just the means to the end of the satisfaction at playing armchair analyst. And man do they get angry when they can't solve your problems over a cocktail after work.

And thank God I'm a guy, because most of the time a guy offers to listen to a woman's problems in kindness they are usualy hoping they show enough sensitivity to leave em thinking "hmm, that's a righteous man, maybe somewhere down the line . . . . . . "

Don't want to hear it, then don't listen, but I am a man, and I live amongst men, and oh man, I know how easy we fall for the tragic beauties. . .

Women in chinatown in an August rainstorm smoking. Why does running mascara look so good some times?

This is one of the best basketball games I've ever seen, and one of the worst journal entries I've ever written.

Marbury on FIRE; JPK on ice


It's fractured and directionless, and it has no eloquence at all. But seriously, man, that's where I am right now, and that's all I got to give.

Edited to add --

The Answer