tamrin_rose

Why do nights like last night ever have to end. I could have stayed tangled up with you forever. This time there was no wine to motivate my wondering fingers, but I wouldn't have needed it anyway. No, there was only you, me and honesty.

I can't wait to make it through the day and dance with you tonight.

Yes, there is someone new in my life. I could try to describe what the past week has been like but I don't think I could do the story justice nor do I think that anyone would really believe it. All I can say is I am forever amazed at where my life takes me when I am not too afraid to jump.

So I rolled over this morning wishing he was still here but remembering I'll see him tonight. Then it hit with all the weight of Monday morning. This is the last week of school, finals are next week. Now normally that would freak me out but for some reason I am not phased by it. I guess it is because now I'm accepted to Humboldt and as long as I pass all of my classes this semester I'm good. I admit I have been a bit of a slacker, its like senioritis all over again. But damnit sometimes its hard to stay motivated all by myself. Being independent is a blessing and a curse.

My mom is coming to see me after Christmas and drive up to orientation with me. Its always weird when I see her because she tries to pack a years worth of mothering into 10 or so days. I wish I could be myself around her, but I can't because when I do that I get strange looks and/or chastisement. I've never met someone so liberal and yet so conservative at the same time. She hates my tattoos, she hates that I dye my hair black and she's always making comments about my weight or sending me things in the mail that are 2 sizes too big. And god forbid I ever discuss sex with this woman, she couldn't handle it. I'm debating whether or not to wear socks all the time she is here just because I don't want to fight about my new ink. I'm going to take my tongue ring out but there is nothing I can do about my eyebrow. I just wish that she would take me as I am. I have always done that for her. She could never live up to the standards she sets for me. She couldn't live my life.

Moving on.

This is the first Christmas on record that plans have not been made months in advance. Its very weird. My prediction is that I will plan to spend Christmas with my best friend and at the last minute my dad will plan something and expect me to drop everything. He's good like that.

"can I sail through the changing ocean tide, can I handle the seasons of my life"

Now to the only person who is probably going to read this anyway, thank you for motivating me to update my blog. Now maybe I can get some work done.