tallahassee

"i've just been having the worst week. i decided that monday would be the day i would get all my shit together for moving out: settng up electricity, setting up the cable/ internet, getting my renter's insurance, all that jazz. well i looked at the info sheet that had my move-in date on it...marked as the 18th. well we had only ever discussed the 17th, from DAY ONE! well, very distressed about this, i called the leasing office to figure it out. turns out in their records i'm not supposed to be moving in until SEPTEMBER FIRST! i already paid the water bill for AUGUST when i signed the lease, why would i do that unless i was moving in IN AUGUST? fucking stupidity pisses me off so much.

so i figured i could set everything else up and just assume i'll fix the day when the leasing agent gets back in the office. well i call up the illuminating company to get the services transferred into my name. it turns out to be one of those automated things, NOT A PERSON, so i end up getting really confused and since there's no actual person to explain the questions to me i just hang up and go ask my mom for help. well what does my mom do? she gets annoyed and says "i dont know what you want me to do i'm not the one moving out you need to take care of your responsibilities yourself!" WTF MOM?!?!?!

correct me if i'm wrong, but is it not one of a parent's responsibilities to make sure their child is fully prepared for life on their own BEFORE they move out? bc i sure thought it was, but my mom seems to be all about dumping me on my ass w/o having any clue what i'm doing.

so after all that i was just far too discouraged to even try to set up my internet or anything else, so i went to bed and watched true blood all day until the anger faded into numbness and my head stopped feeling like it was trying to explode.

well, on top of all that, i was SUPPOSED to go to a party that night, which i was REALLY REALLY looking forward to for weeks, only i was waaaaay too pissed to be around people. i knew if i went i would be that one person who goes to a party in a bad mood and just ruins it for everyone, and i did NOT want to do that at all. so i didn't go, and now i'm pissed at myself for not just sucking it up and going and possibly even having a good time.

so then when i'm finally feeling at least numb, i decide to go out and watch the meteor shower. well again someone had other plans. not a meteor in sight, just clouds and trees and empty sky. not even stars. just emptiness.

so im just upset bc absolutely everything that could go wrong has. and just when i was starting to feel like things might actually work out for me for once. and to top it all off, i've been hating my dreads all day bc my head has itched so bad, and i know i'll love them again once all this stress passes but for the moment i feel like its one thing too many for me to have an itchy head right now.

and on top of all of that, i find out from my sister in law that my mom is buying a new bed for my brothers room FOR WHEN THEY VISIT, which would be once a year at most, but meanwhile my own bed has been broken for over a year and what did she say to me? "well thats too bad you should have taken better care of it." well fuck you too mom, fuck you too. fucking middle child syndrome. maybe if i came over and made her cry on her birthday like he did the last couple years i'd get a new bed, instead of getting yelled at by her for being the one who jumped in and tried to defend her. maybe if i told my brother how useless and worthless he is for 18 years i would have gotten new shit too. but no. i was always nice to her and she treats me like crap next to her son (who she once called the spawn of satan.) awesome. i fucking love my life."