when you go out to score
one in the morning
leaving me alone
in the bed that we share
unaware
and dreaming of you.
do you love me?
when the needle pierces your vein
when you feel that rush
but feel nothing at all.
do you love me?
when you go to a "meeting?
im so proud of you for doing
completely unaware
that the meetings with your dealer.
do you love me?
when you see your therapist
and tell her everything
while i still have no clue.
do you love me?
when you say you want to die
and that youre tired
and youre going to get help.
do you love me?
searching for a solution on the streets
a prostitute, a dealer, and your last few bucks
selling your cell for one last fix
while i think youre safe
and finally sleep for the first time in weeks.
do you love me?
when i find out you lied
when i find you in our bed
incoherent and barely alive.
do you love me?
standing over you sobbing
i just want to know why
why wont you talk to me
and whats going on.
do you love me?
while you scream for me
to just leave you alone.
do you love me?
when the cops show up
when the ambulance takes you away
when i cry myself to sleep
but at least i know youre safe.
do you love me?
as you walk in the door
the very next day
"what, they let me out"
as if everything is okay.
and do you love me?
when i say that im done
that i wanted to marry you
wanted a family with you
to grow old with you
but i dont even know who you are anymore.
but tell me,
did you love me?
while you destroyed me
while you hurt me
like a knife to the gut
over and over and over again
until i hated you
with every fiber in my being i hated you
but i hate myself more
because despite everything youve done
despite all the pain
i still fucking love you
do you love me?
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