ok time to get real for a minute....
im kinda startin to scare myself.......
for those who dont know, i used to find allot of comfort at the end of a needle.
ive got about 2 years clean now though.
since then ive gotten a good job...
helping others get clean as a matter of fact... ive got excellent freinds, my familly luvs me again... ive got a great apartment a nice car, all the physical possesions one could want.... im playin in a band... see back when i got clean i had this empty feeling like something was missing... but it was easy to explain.. because i had nothing...
but now... i have everything i need,,
and that hole is still there...
im beginning to get scared, genuinly fearful that that whole,.... is the drugs....and alcohaul..
dont get me wrong i am very hapy.... but over time this empty feeling is kinda like pebble in youre shoe.... it keeps eating at you and eating at you...
im scared it will never go away... ill never feel fufilled....
and i fear that one day it will become too much and ill go back to what i once let run my every thought.
it fukin sux... and anyone whos ever been there.... knows what i mean..
i lost everything, was given a chance to gain it all back by the grace of god...
and i dont want to lose it all again...
tonight for the first time in almost 2 years.... i thought about going to a bar... almost convinced myself i could have a few beers without pickking up the other stuff.... how fukin sick is that...
let alone i did this to myself for 8 years in and out of rehabs, but now i work at one and on a daily basis see people comming in and out... sometimes the same people once a month..
but this fucken sickness just wont let go...
addiction is cunning baffling and powerful..
but its most deadly trait... is its patience.
it will wait... be it a month or 10 years... till you least expect it... then weasel its way back into youre life and within 24 hours itll look like ya were never clean for a second.
thanx fer listenin...
Pe@cE
im kinda startin to scare myself.......
for those who dont know, i used to find allot of comfort at the end of a needle.
ive got about 2 years clean now though.
since then ive gotten a good job...
helping others get clean as a matter of fact... ive got excellent freinds, my familly luvs me again... ive got a great apartment a nice car, all the physical possesions one could want.... im playin in a band... see back when i got clean i had this empty feeling like something was missing... but it was easy to explain.. because i had nothing...
but now... i have everything i need,,
and that hole is still there...
im beginning to get scared, genuinly fearful that that whole,.... is the drugs....and alcohaul..
dont get me wrong i am very hapy.... but over time this empty feeling is kinda like pebble in youre shoe.... it keeps eating at you and eating at you...
im scared it will never go away... ill never feel fufilled....
and i fear that one day it will become too much and ill go back to what i once let run my every thought.
it fukin sux... and anyone whos ever been there.... knows what i mean..
i lost everything, was given a chance to gain it all back by the grace of god...
and i dont want to lose it all again...
tonight for the first time in almost 2 years.... i thought about going to a bar... almost convinced myself i could have a few beers without pickking up the other stuff.... how fukin sick is that...
let alone i did this to myself for 8 years in and out of rehabs, but now i work at one and on a daily basis see people comming in and out... sometimes the same people once a month..
but this fucken sickness just wont let go...
addiction is cunning baffling and powerful..
but its most deadly trait... is its patience.
it will wait... be it a month or 10 years... till you least expect it... then weasel its way back into youre life and within 24 hours itll look like ya were never clean for a second.
thanx fer listenin...
Pe@cE
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