**overly emo entry ahead**
i'm very conflicted about how my evening went. I have very strong feelings both ways about how it turned out and how i'm a fool but a fool who knew exactly what he was falling into. A trap, which i had laid on Monday with this girl.
"i need your arms around me, i need to feel your touch"
My day starts out rather nicely with a call from Erin asking if i wanted to go to a movie in the evening. we agreed to go to a movie and my day began with 4 hours or so of sleep. I just kept going all day. I got my planetarium check in the mail, I did laundry, and I went out to get ice cream with Cass which basically was my dinner. Perhaps here is where my confusion lies... Cass and I make out a fair amount but we're not dating nor do we intend to date each other. And I made out with my ex when i was drunk the other night nothing happened there either. So minutes after making out with Cass and wishing her well on her trip tomorrow to Washington for the rest of the summer, I jump in the shower and go to Revenge of the Sith with Erin. Interesting movie, not my favorite by far and i have several complaints about it that seem trivial.
I have caffine and sugar with no actual food in me still. I'm becoming loopier and rambling for longer and longer. I needed food but would also like a beer... so I take my date to the most romantic place in town... the parrots cay. She actually enjoys the place or at least feigns an interest in it. And I proceed to get drunk. Not intentionally, but the eating/drinking ratio just didn't work out in my favor. at last call I manufactur a reason to go to walmart to spend more time with her. With my non-obvious drunkeness we stumble through and i buy asprin for a possible back-ache tomorrow. we then decide to go back to my place at 130am. I suck at making the first move when I'm so goddamn tired. And plus Erin isn't necessarily the type that i'm attracted to. Face, yes. Body, not really. she is a bigger girl. That and she's tall...really goddamn tall. She's not as tall as me, but she's 5 inches shorter.
And I found myself doing something that brook (my ex) would do that i always thought was annoying but i couldn't stop doing. I would tell the most deprecating stories i could about myself, past drug use, lessons learned, and especially "amusing" stories and complaints about ex's. I knew i was going to kiss her.. but I just wanted to keep talking and talking and talking.
So i finally did it and we made out for a while and it was nice, i suppose. And I fell into the trap that i knew was there. I'm moving back in a week or so, anything started now would only be a mistake. She's a very nice girl but it's just not possible, and i don't want to force another girl to drive to VC to see me, even for affection.
i feel strange enough as it is about my love life as it is. Plus i don't need three people calling me from grand forks telling me that they miss me.
On the plus side to all this emo crap, she's very funny, laughs at my jokes and barbs, and is a little geeky. SHE BOUGHT ME A TICKET TO GODDAMN STAR WARS FOR FUCKS SAKE!
how did i become the number-one loverboy in this particular postal district?
i'm very conflicted about how my evening went. I have very strong feelings both ways about how it turned out and how i'm a fool but a fool who knew exactly what he was falling into. A trap, which i had laid on Monday with this girl.
"i need your arms around me, i need to feel your touch"
My day starts out rather nicely with a call from Erin asking if i wanted to go to a movie in the evening. we agreed to go to a movie and my day began with 4 hours or so of sleep. I just kept going all day. I got my planetarium check in the mail, I did laundry, and I went out to get ice cream with Cass which basically was my dinner. Perhaps here is where my confusion lies... Cass and I make out a fair amount but we're not dating nor do we intend to date each other. And I made out with my ex when i was drunk the other night nothing happened there either. So minutes after making out with Cass and wishing her well on her trip tomorrow to Washington for the rest of the summer, I jump in the shower and go to Revenge of the Sith with Erin. Interesting movie, not my favorite by far and i have several complaints about it that seem trivial.
I have caffine and sugar with no actual food in me still. I'm becoming loopier and rambling for longer and longer. I needed food but would also like a beer... so I take my date to the most romantic place in town... the parrots cay. She actually enjoys the place or at least feigns an interest in it. And I proceed to get drunk. Not intentionally, but the eating/drinking ratio just didn't work out in my favor. at last call I manufactur a reason to go to walmart to spend more time with her. With my non-obvious drunkeness we stumble through and i buy asprin for a possible back-ache tomorrow. we then decide to go back to my place at 130am. I suck at making the first move when I'm so goddamn tired. And plus Erin isn't necessarily the type that i'm attracted to. Face, yes. Body, not really. she is a bigger girl. That and she's tall...really goddamn tall. She's not as tall as me, but she's 5 inches shorter.
And I found myself doing something that brook (my ex) would do that i always thought was annoying but i couldn't stop doing. I would tell the most deprecating stories i could about myself, past drug use, lessons learned, and especially "amusing" stories and complaints about ex's. I knew i was going to kiss her.. but I just wanted to keep talking and talking and talking.
So i finally did it and we made out for a while and it was nice, i suppose. And I fell into the trap that i knew was there. I'm moving back in a week or so, anything started now would only be a mistake. She's a very nice girl but it's just not possible, and i don't want to force another girl to drive to VC to see me, even for affection.
i feel strange enough as it is about my love life as it is. Plus i don't need three people calling me from grand forks telling me that they miss me.
On the plus side to all this emo crap, she's very funny, laughs at my jokes and barbs, and is a little geeky. SHE BOUGHT ME A TICKET TO GODDAMN STAR WARS FOR FUCKS SAKE!
how did i become the number-one loverboy in this particular postal district?
judas:
c'est le vie, my son. some people, no matter what, get themselves in quandries of the heart at every turn. why don't you need three girls calling you telling you they miss you? sounds like fun to me...
pygmalion:
what's up man? i just joined the group DRUNKS.. so i came by to check your journal out and to me it sounds like you're doin fine by yourself... except the ex part. Anyway just make sure one comes to visit you on friday and the other on saturday and keep your ex at a distance.. the only reason im wary of exes is ive got a long history with mine... and its been somethin like a year or so but i still somehow am having to deal with her drama now... so just ruuun.. hahaha or just have a few more beers and you'll be fine.