tailofdogma

Quasi-update on my situation at the bottom:

I've had a marvelous time in Grand Forks, minus the in and out of the altru stuff. I'm in a great and reflective mood at the moment.

Friday was spent on a slab and watching Sin City with Cass. Slept next to her.. that was quite pleasent. She looks to me to sleep next to, not sleep with rigth now. That evening also contained what i consider now to be a great miscalculation on my part. In a bit of a moment of panic I really needed to talk to someone who cared, or if didn't care would be up. I would admit my faults, apologize profusely, explain myself and my actions, and pour my heart out. Unfortunately she didn't pick up. And i promptly ate a cookie and went back to bed.

Saturday i woke up around noonish and realized that I was not in any sort of a good mood. I get the call back that i dreded, especially since i was no longer at my wits end, the conversation didn't proceed the way i originally intend.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/succhilascimmia/16155.html

As you can see, this was neither empathetic, or me pouring my heart out. AND since i was in a friends car while i was having this conversation, It also wasn't an appropriate time to break out into lots of deep thoughts or deep conversation about topics such as me hoping everything with her mom turns out okay. And instead of actual conversation or saying i'd call her back, I just launched in all unprepared and took the asshole's way out. All those that doubted that i could ever be an asshole or that i really am one at heart obviously haven't dated me or been a friend of mine for long periods of time. Apologies for my irrationality and for the third-degree burns you have from the burnt bridge. Honestly, I thought i was going to put out the blaze Friday night

Saturday was also spent with good friend and my old roommate Hoffmann. I was over at his new place recording fire and crackling for my next planetarium show. We then went out and drank and blew through the rest of my finanical aid money. Then made it back to his place and continued to drink. Mmm...crown. Quite the interesting way to wake up with Cass all over me. Helluva goddamn way to wake up.

Sunday I really didn't do much. Sat around, talked to a few people, made fire on my computer through a series of samples, and made plans for Monday.

Today I woke up to the sound of the vaccum cleaner, my least favorite way to wake up. Why my younger brother can't vaccum his own damn room I have no idea. I'm also rousted out of bed to get the kitten from the vet. She was fixed this morning and as such it's my responsibility to drive? something like that. So the kitten is angrier than usual after being fixed which amuses me because every pet we've ever had has been insanely dossile after getting fixed.

I then proceed to have a 1.5 hour conversation, in person, with Shelly, my ex-girlfriend of over two years and we haven't dated for that long as well. And she mentioned something that i had kind of forced out of my head about how i actually know her or could possibly understand her and her actions. We got off topic multiple times, mostly my fault for going off on tangents. We dated for over two years and she still blows me away whenever we talk in person. We're both still weird, but we're getting better hopefully. I do believe that after all this time I can be used for relationship advice with her without being biased or wanting her back. She and I will always have this very interesting tie and no matter where she ends up, whether that is fargo, north carolina, north texas, or Mercury, it's still going to be there. And as I keep telling her whenever I see her socks which are still not matching even after 5 years of knowing her, it's nice that some things never change.

Found out about my MRI appointment at 745ish tomorrow then, and then went out for a lovely dinner and a movie with some good friends. Grizzley's is quite tasty and has a great song playlist. Moby to 10,000 maniacs, to Alana Davis, etc. Good stuff. We watched Sideways and it amused me. Mostly amused me because I could see parts of myself and other friends in each situation that kept coming up...even the stealing of the wallet while people were fucking. Goddamn that was hilarious.

and now i'm here, listening to a new leaked nin track for the past 50 minutes or so. MRI tomorrow... here's to hoping for something besides surgery

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that was the single most terrifying experiance of my life. I couldn't go through a second. My shoulders, in case you have never met me in person are extremely broad and I barely fit into the machine the first time. This second time i knew what to expect and my arms were just pressed up against the walls in the very same uncomfortable fashion.

i was in it for 5 minutes before demanding to be taken out because there was no way i could lie like that again for 45 minutes. It was part that and part closterphobia. Holy fuck I was terrified. I ran out of that MRI room goddamn quick, quicker than I finished a carbomb at the Triple-rock Social Club..

I'm scheduling another mri at another location in town, hopefully for today. i need to be in a different type of machine, i think it's called an open-ended machine. I have never been so awake in my goddamn life.