The way out is through...
Long day/night of drinking. Did the karaoke thing tonight, then went to a little shindig over at Casa de Vidden. I was so pissed off at my work schedule that i took my anger out on my body and ordered food entirely too spicy for me. A level of spicy that I haven't had since dating Cassie S. when her dad tried to kill me with food from Sierra Leone'. I'd never had problems with spicy foods until tonight, though i think it was really the schear volume of food this time around. So a 15 out of 15 is an interesting experiance if ordering jumbalaya. If you'd like to try some, i still have half a plate in my mini-fridge. Good lord...
Into the Void...
Out of 4 parties I was invited to I went to Viddens because I imagined it'd be the most fun and i really wasn't disappointed though i thought Kat would be more drunk for some reason. Smaller crowd though i really feel better in that type of enviroment so I can get to know people a little better. That and so they can warm up to the warming glow that is my personality...and dimples... and my superstar ass. But perhaps i'm going a little too far on that. Regardless we started playing a little drinking game that was fun until I learned how to master it and i was sobering myself up by playing. It was insane...
Where is Everybody?
My work schedule sucks something feirce. So dig this:
I work this saturday, next wednesday, then I don't work til new years eve and new years day. I am Jack's raging bile-duct. I open up a new site those last two nights so I don't even know if i'll be making any money at all. I was very close to telling Deb (my boss) not to put me on the next shift if i'm getting shitty hours like this but i decided at the last moment not to. I thought of the speech, I knew how to deliver it for the most impact since it'd been going through my head all day, but I restrained myself. The reality is I need a job, and this is my only option til i move. And I need money to complete my move.
The Mark Has Been Made...
I'm fighting a losing battle with a nasty little virus on my computer. No, i didn't open a nasty e-mail attachment. Someone else used my computer, installed Kazzaa of all things, and got something very bad. It's eating up memory and hard-drive space like it's going out of style. Like 5 gigs in 10 hours. I'm in the process of backing everything up because I really don't want to lose my pictures and video and my mp3 collection. Whats weird is it was activated by me running my anti-virus program. Like somehow it's norton's fault.
Please...
My parents are going practical this year with gifts and instead of a USED Bruce Springsteen CD for christmas I'm getting new tires for my car. Which I should probably start looking for. Though I can think of a thousand things I could use more than that, it's the thought that counts. And at least it's not a note saying they want me to pay for their bankrupcy ...again.
Starfuckers INC...
I'm still very pissed about not giubg to the cities. i may be just losing my mind again, which would be nice. Just right before I fucking change everything and need some stability. I want to go on rants and express myself and how I feel about all of this, but I nearly break into tears when I do...sober or drunk. I am fine if i focus on the present, but the past or future is apparently too much for me to handle.
Complication...
To complicate thiungs further, I met this girl tonight at the cay and we exchanged numbers. I forget her name (it's around here somewhere) but she really got and understood me. Which kind of frightended me. Any girl interested in me needs a mental exam normally but she... I dunno, her drunk friend kept trying to embarass her so I would somehow make each line better instantly. My decent into madness will be the death of me. She doesn't live in town which is a plus but I don't remember where. I'll have to work on this.
I'm looking forward to Joining you...finally...
Vidden and I are going to Minot to see Laura soon, horay for roadtrips. should be an interesting time if nothing else. I personally want to poison an old-person while there... it's like taking the mystery shot at Johnny's: it's just a required thing while in the neighboorhood. That and go drinking with Laura's cousin in Minot. Only good can come from that.
The Big Come Down...
My racist-older brother comes into town soon. I like him and all, and i'm still impressed by his wife, but he's just a little too ... umm...white for my tastes. This is the same man who coined the term 'Mission Men' and 'Mexi-Cunts'. Is it possible to love someone and hate them all at once for the exact same reasons? He gives me so much material whenever i'm around him, it's great. I hear all the new racist jokes.
Underneath it All...
What drives me? I was asked this once in a lead-interview at Amazon and i bombed it the first time I had it. What motivates me to do things or make changes. Why do I wake up in the morning besides my urge to check my gmail? Is it wrong to be motivated by money? How about power and respect? With one comes another. How about the urge to see Jes' roommate Joel do the running man again?
Ripe: with decay...
2 years later and i'm still a little sore. It still hurts, though you'd imagine i'd completely lose sight of it due to te brook things. Skin would be thicker, wounds heal, etc. I actually question whether or not I can really trust anyone after that happened. Someone brought it up tonight and it still bothers me. How someone (i.e. me) can be so oblivious to all the facts and just be in love with the idea of being in love. I was a fool for trusting, and i wish I could have done something more to prevent the enevitable outcome. But dating someone's stalker still makes no sense in my book so maybe she was beyond help at that point.
...
Long day/night of drinking. Did the karaoke thing tonight, then went to a little shindig over at Casa de Vidden. I was so pissed off at my work schedule that i took my anger out on my body and ordered food entirely too spicy for me. A level of spicy that I haven't had since dating Cassie S. when her dad tried to kill me with food from Sierra Leone'. I'd never had problems with spicy foods until tonight, though i think it was really the schear volume of food this time around. So a 15 out of 15 is an interesting experiance if ordering jumbalaya. If you'd like to try some, i still have half a plate in my mini-fridge. Good lord...
Into the Void...
Out of 4 parties I was invited to I went to Viddens because I imagined it'd be the most fun and i really wasn't disappointed though i thought Kat would be more drunk for some reason. Smaller crowd though i really feel better in that type of enviroment so I can get to know people a little better. That and so they can warm up to the warming glow that is my personality...and dimples... and my superstar ass. But perhaps i'm going a little too far on that. Regardless we started playing a little drinking game that was fun until I learned how to master it and i was sobering myself up by playing. It was insane...
Where is Everybody?
My work schedule sucks something feirce. So dig this:
I work this saturday, next wednesday, then I don't work til new years eve and new years day. I am Jack's raging bile-duct. I open up a new site those last two nights so I don't even know if i'll be making any money at all. I was very close to telling Deb (my boss) not to put me on the next shift if i'm getting shitty hours like this but i decided at the last moment not to. I thought of the speech, I knew how to deliver it for the most impact since it'd been going through my head all day, but I restrained myself. The reality is I need a job, and this is my only option til i move. And I need money to complete my move.
The Mark Has Been Made...
I'm fighting a losing battle with a nasty little virus on my computer. No, i didn't open a nasty e-mail attachment. Someone else used my computer, installed Kazzaa of all things, and got something very bad. It's eating up memory and hard-drive space like it's going out of style. Like 5 gigs in 10 hours. I'm in the process of backing everything up because I really don't want to lose my pictures and video and my mp3 collection. Whats weird is it was activated by me running my anti-virus program. Like somehow it's norton's fault.
Please...
My parents are going practical this year with gifts and instead of a USED Bruce Springsteen CD for christmas I'm getting new tires for my car. Which I should probably start looking for. Though I can think of a thousand things I could use more than that, it's the thought that counts. And at least it's not a note saying they want me to pay for their bankrupcy ...again.
Starfuckers INC...
I'm still very pissed about not giubg to the cities. i may be just losing my mind again, which would be nice. Just right before I fucking change everything and need some stability. I want to go on rants and express myself and how I feel about all of this, but I nearly break into tears when I do...sober or drunk. I am fine if i focus on the present, but the past or future is apparently too much for me to handle.
Complication...
To complicate thiungs further, I met this girl tonight at the cay and we exchanged numbers. I forget her name (it's around here somewhere) but she really got and understood me. Which kind of frightended me. Any girl interested in me needs a mental exam normally but she... I dunno, her drunk friend kept trying to embarass her so I would somehow make each line better instantly. My decent into madness will be the death of me. She doesn't live in town which is a plus but I don't remember where. I'll have to work on this.
I'm looking forward to Joining you...finally...
Vidden and I are going to Minot to see Laura soon, horay for roadtrips. should be an interesting time if nothing else. I personally want to poison an old-person while there... it's like taking the mystery shot at Johnny's: it's just a required thing while in the neighboorhood. That and go drinking with Laura's cousin in Minot. Only good can come from that.
The Big Come Down...
My racist-older brother comes into town soon. I like him and all, and i'm still impressed by his wife, but he's just a little too ... umm...white for my tastes. This is the same man who coined the term 'Mission Men' and 'Mexi-Cunts'. Is it possible to love someone and hate them all at once for the exact same reasons? He gives me so much material whenever i'm around him, it's great. I hear all the new racist jokes.
Underneath it All...
What drives me? I was asked this once in a lead-interview at Amazon and i bombed it the first time I had it. What motivates me to do things or make changes. Why do I wake up in the morning besides my urge to check my gmail? Is it wrong to be motivated by money? How about power and respect? With one comes another. How about the urge to see Jes' roommate Joel do the running man again?
Ripe: with decay...
2 years later and i'm still a little sore. It still hurts, though you'd imagine i'd completely lose sight of it due to te brook things. Skin would be thicker, wounds heal, etc. I actually question whether or not I can really trust anyone after that happened. Someone brought it up tonight and it still bothers me. How someone (i.e. me) can be so oblivious to all the facts and just be in love with the idea of being in love. I was a fool for trusting, and i wish I could have done something more to prevent the enevitable outcome. But dating someone's stalker still makes no sense in my book so maybe she was beyond help at that point.
...
When, even if only roughly, is the intended move? Or, failing that, when are you due to start classes?
You need to get out of there. I know you know that, but you sound worse all the time.
Maybe you need to drive your car through the front yards of all the frat houses or something. Just a thought.