tadhg6

So I guess I'll just vent and write away as feelings and thoughts flow through and from me. I apologize in advance if it's cluttered and not well organized. I have had many things running through my mind as of late. Relationships, friendships, moving, work, family, and my direction in life. I'm moving to Hawaii in a week for starters, I've never been btw, I was offered a position with my work there and thought what the hell why not. I do things like this some times. I upped and moved to New York once. I didn't even have a job lined up, I simply saved, moved, and made it happen. I'm excited, but also nervous. It's my first big move in which I'm doing completely solo. I maintain a positive outlook, but it's a big move none the less and is a bit nerve racking. I miss my friends a lot. We just don't live close enough nor have the time to hang out anymore, same with my family. I hate that I don't get to see my many nephews and my adorable niece grow up. Distance is really not all that easy. I still battle minor depression. I only have a few bad days, but they really are bad and frustrating. Also I'm tired of being single, and the few good looking opportunities that arose for finally finding someone who makes me happy continuously fall through and makes me want to give up entirely. I already had a horrendous break up that let me to self harm and major depression. I am hesitant to fall for someone again, for fear of it ending in a similar manor. And seeing as how these few prospects just seem to fall apart doesn't give me much hope nor feel any better about falling for someone again. At the same time I miss having some one to enjoy my life with, to come home to, snuggling on a couch and read while drinkng a warm beverage, or even sweats and Netflix, going on trips and enjoying nature together, I miss many subtle things. Also I finally realized aside from trying to start my online company I really want to work for the national park service, as a ranger I hope, it's just frustrating how sometimes it's takes so long for you to realize what you want to do with your life. I don't really know who would want to read this entire thing or would even actually care, but it feels good to let it all out regardless. For the few that do read it I sincerely thank you.