I need to start keeping a better daily blog. Instead of coming on here and writting when times are tough.
There's jus so much thats been bothering me that I don't know what's wrong anymore. I know I'm young yet and I shouldn't be thinking about the problems that I've been thinking about, but I can't help myself.
Like earlier today, I was leaning on my left elbow and reading some stuff on a website, when I realize that my left arm (elbow down to my fingers) has this weird sensation in it. It was almost a mechanical sensation, like a numbness but not. It didn't feel like pins and needles (when something falls asleep). After I felt that I started to freak out (thinking things like "heart attack" and "stroke" or even "blood clot"). Well after freaking out about it, I start feeling worse and worse about myself, worrying more and more about my mental and physical well-being.
In the end though I'm still here and still alive. I just take a deep breathe and try to calm down. These things are what makes me think I should blog everyday, trying to get out all that I can.
I've come to believe that a lot of these fears and anxieties are stress induced, but at the same time, what if they're not.
I've already been to the doctor ( a month ago), and all he did was give me pills for depression (which I didn't take), and check my thyroid. I know this sounds bad, but I want to check me for heart disease and things like that. I want to make sure I don't have real physical problems before I pin all the blame on stress.
On to the things that I believe are causing my the most stress.
1. My job (it's so incredibly boring anymore with no social aspect)
2. My financial state (I'm poor from student loans and still 40k in debt)
3. My own physical health (I haven't been exercising at all and I know I need to)
Aside from those things most everythign else has an impact on the stress in my life. All this stress is then causing my to worry and generate severe anxiety (which is what the pills the doctor gave me should have taken care of). Even as I write this I"m checking my heart rate and worrying about the random pains or spasms in my body.
I'm a complete mess, and I can't remember what it was like not to worry about these sorts of things. I'm worried that I'll just drop dead one day, and that scares me so much. I want to be able live and have a family, grow with them and see them off into the world.
If anyone out there can help me, or give me advice on how to help myself, please let me know. I don't want to live the rest of my life being frightened by even little thing.
On a side note to everythign, I've decided to take up meditation of some form. Also I know I need to start exercising again, and I want to start being all around more responsible. I know I should keep my room tidy, do chores, and clean up after my animals more often.
I talk to my girlfriend about my problems and what not, but sometimes I get the feeling that she's getting tired of all of this. I've been this way for close to 2 months, but I've had bad days and good days. I've been having panic attacks since around 18, but before recently those have been only a few here and there.
Maybe I'm yet to find the real root to all my problems.
There's jus so much thats been bothering me that I don't know what's wrong anymore. I know I'm young yet and I shouldn't be thinking about the problems that I've been thinking about, but I can't help myself.
Like earlier today, I was leaning on my left elbow and reading some stuff on a website, when I realize that my left arm (elbow down to my fingers) has this weird sensation in it. It was almost a mechanical sensation, like a numbness but not. It didn't feel like pins and needles (when something falls asleep). After I felt that I started to freak out (thinking things like "heart attack" and "stroke" or even "blood clot"). Well after freaking out about it, I start feeling worse and worse about myself, worrying more and more about my mental and physical well-being.
In the end though I'm still here and still alive. I just take a deep breathe and try to calm down. These things are what makes me think I should blog everyday, trying to get out all that I can.
I've come to believe that a lot of these fears and anxieties are stress induced, but at the same time, what if they're not.
I've already been to the doctor ( a month ago), and all he did was give me pills for depression (which I didn't take), and check my thyroid. I know this sounds bad, but I want to check me for heart disease and things like that. I want to make sure I don't have real physical problems before I pin all the blame on stress.
On to the things that I believe are causing my the most stress.
1. My job (it's so incredibly boring anymore with no social aspect)
2. My financial state (I'm poor from student loans and still 40k in debt)
3. My own physical health (I haven't been exercising at all and I know I need to)
Aside from those things most everythign else has an impact on the stress in my life. All this stress is then causing my to worry and generate severe anxiety (which is what the pills the doctor gave me should have taken care of). Even as I write this I"m checking my heart rate and worrying about the random pains or spasms in my body.
I'm a complete mess, and I can't remember what it was like not to worry about these sorts of things. I'm worried that I'll just drop dead one day, and that scares me so much. I want to be able live and have a family, grow with them and see them off into the world.
If anyone out there can help me, or give me advice on how to help myself, please let me know. I don't want to live the rest of my life being frightened by even little thing.
On a side note to everythign, I've decided to take up meditation of some form. Also I know I need to start exercising again, and I want to start being all around more responsible. I know I should keep my room tidy, do chores, and clean up after my animals more often.
I talk to my girlfriend about my problems and what not, but sometimes I get the feeling that she's getting tired of all of this. I've been this way for close to 2 months, but I've had bad days and good days. I've been having panic attacks since around 18, but before recently those have been only a few here and there.
Maybe I'm yet to find the real root to all my problems.
Yes you should put a journal up like ever couple of days.
Well go to a doctor and ask him to do that for you.
If you had my job you would run back to your job and love your job.
I'm in debt to.
No matter what some people just drop dead, if you spend all the time thinking about that it is going to kill you a lot sooner, stress is one of the worst things for the body.
I think meditation is a great idea and I think you should take up some kind of art.
What kind of animals do you have?
You should just put all of your problems in your journals, that is what I do, I never talk to people about my problems, I just put them on SG.
stop obsessing about your health. you're fine. i've typed too long with wrists leaned on the keyboard and had similar things happen. it's not heart disease. you're not dying. don't panic.
you're only 22. your pulse will still be there even if you don't check it all the time. next time you're tempted, go clean the bathroom. or bake some muffins. anything that will take your mind off it.
i think the exercise is a fantastic idea. it'll be good for both your mental and physical health to get up and moving.
interact with the world.
spend more time with friends. make new friends. reconnect with old friends.
read new books. research a topic that interests you. learn something totally random and tell everyone how awesome it is.
volunteer someplace. sometimes when you get too wrapped up in your troubles, it's good to take a step outside of yourself. plus, the feeling that you're doing something useful is nice.
hope you find something in there the least bit useful. i feel for you, and i'd really like to see you be happier. life's too short.