szasry

I don't know what to say anymore. I don't trust myself. I haven't been listening to my instincts for some time now. When I got a bad feeling about something, I would tell myself it was just fear. Only meaningless resistance to trying something new. I basically valued the company of someone new more than my internal feelings about that person. This way of seeing things has brought me much trouble.

And finally, after all these years of setting myself up to fail, I'm learning. But it doesn't feel relieving or like an epiphany. I'm deeply saddened because I can't trust myself. My desire to meet women is almost at zero. I feel so broken and there's no one to blame but me. Maybe this will all work out in the long run, but for now, life is just so heavy.

I look at myself in the mirror and I'm not happy with what I see. You can tell a lot about a person by how they see themselves in a mirror.

I'm going to force myself to go out now. I feel miserable, but I will not let myself curl up into a ball and die. No matter how much I want to.

Maybe in forcing myself to look after my feelings, I'll find a solution to this mess.


M.