synfull

8/1/05

(edited)

exclusive suicide do or die flow to get to that elusive place that i don't like to go
my bike is broken but the path is clear and i've never liked math but somehow the numbers are coming to me one by one as the
numbness of yesterday's weed smoke leaves me
one THC fleeing fat cell at a time
it's a hell of a mind that stays blind in doubt even when the depression and life stressing are supposedly ironed out
my mouth opens but broken words dribble
barely audible
my skin aches for the touch of someone
my eyes sometimes foggy with the thin layer of something doctor prescribed and i
always hide behind a simple, stoic smile while a
scream should surely happen now and then just to
clear out the everything
i want to shout or whisper but its all monotone or handwritten pen notes to myself about what should be
and what is not
and what has been will be tucked away for another time and
fuck today if i have to wait in line to be what i want to be because
i will not defer until tomorrow again
pain and frown co-exist with a twist of manic realness
i feel this
and i care and i stare blankly while the
thoughts do their dance, always looking for answers
pacing inside the brain, is this what insane is
do i cut open the roof and open a hole in my skull because
the neurotransmitter juice needs a drain or perhaps an electromagnetic weather vein
or maybe i just need a nap
i used to be a stoner and plus i always had my girl
now im a loner two times but i refuse to retreat and say fuck the world
sitting up front with my mouth shut
defeated and hiding behind a smile
and the cure for laryngitis is not to have your throat cut
though i ache for blood to flow, i need to take it slow
because the heart heals and the soul grows
if i can hang on for a while.