synfull

the growing glow worm

growing glow-worm dancing inside the frame of my brain-box
sometimes it hides but also it wiggles through my grey matter like its mud
and makes me think funny
I cant see it but I know its there
I can feel its glow in my cheekbones like the hum of florescent lighting
reverberating throughout your face
and its definitely a worm
its size for one thing
and those ridges
those bumpy ridges rub against the sides and edges of the lobes and the folds of my brain
and of course thats what Im feeling up there
I know what insane is because Ive felt that too and this is not it
Im telling you Ive got a glow-worm dancing around in my brain and, oh yeah,
its growing
youre just going to have to trust me on this one
do you remember those things Shrinky Dinks?
I dont know why they called them Shrinky Dinks because I remember them growing, but what do I know, maybe Im getting them confused with those little colored things that you put in water, they were like sponge dinosaurs in a capsule or something.
but anyway, this thing is growing
and glowing
growing and glowing and burrowing and slithering its way around up there and the real question is is it just in my brain or is it also in my mind?
when I say is it in my mind, I dont mean did I make it up, as in is it all in my mind or is it all in my head, etc. because this thing really is in my head, my brain to be exact, but
at what point the brain becomes the mind is a question even great scholars, doctors and philosophers cannot seem to answer
so where is this worm going and growing to?
is it penetrating the surfaces of my consciousness, affecting me and the way I am
right at this very moment?
or is it just a slightly animated mass blocking the paths of one electrical impulse or another, slowing the reaction or stopping some nerve, numbing some feeling or wiggling along and squishing the circuitry together doing unholy math triggering intellectual and emotional stimulation in its uniquely wormy way?
I sure wish I knew for sure what it was doing because then Id be sure that I wanted it out.
right now Im not.
Ive grown attached to its glow, the warm tingle in my temples, the scratchy rustling
of ridge against lobe which I first thought would drive me mad
well, that still might
but I will not go to a doctor
for they will want to remove my worm and dissect my worm and they will not put it back and well,
Ive got a worm in my brain, how many people can say that?
and this whole thing about it growing?
the truth is Im not sure
but I want it to grow, I want it to smack around from one side of my skull to the other
I want to feel its smoothness against my head bones, the mass of my brain engulfed, taken over, the worm is my brain, the worm is my mind
I start digging in to the earth, burrowing
I have no eyes, I have no needs, I only need dirt
The soil is my home and I glow and I grow and I wiggle and writhe and thrive
and find myself a WORM dancing inside a, this is not dirt,
this pulpy mass I guide myself through,
and then I bump against it, the frame, the skeletal frame
the frame of a new brain box
I am a worm
I am a worm wriggling through grey matter in a brain
a worm in a mind
I am the worm inside my own my brain and mind
all else outside operates without my guidance
I cannot scream with my no mouth worm mouth
its like a dream I slide around
and my no voice worm voice cant let me shout
with all my power I emit my glow and try to grow but I know it is really no use
I am the worm in the brain-mind and the rest of the body-soul is beyond my control
this is the slimy, wiggly, truth
oh, I knew it
(Im gonna go pass out six centimeters under on a repressed memory
but for what its worth, Id rather be in a plastic cup full of dirt)
-shit