sydni

My set goes up in Member Review November 3rd. Just in time for the election. I hope to get all your love, since it's fabulous, and I haven't shot a set in years.

I'll post a teaser on November 1st.

In other news, Niko and I are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. We both don't know what this means yet, as we both don't want to be with anyone else and still love each other a lot. Niko has a lot to figure out, and I feel like my insides are being pulled out and set on fire. I'm devastated, but I don't know what to expect because neither of us know if it's really over.

I kept it secret for awhile since we've technically been apart for a few months now, but we see each other about 2-4 times a week and talk every day. See? Confusing. Everyday I wake up a little more confused and sad. I cry a lot, but I'm completely unwilling to tell him to go away and neither is he. Things changed when he began his new business. I don't know how to hope, but I don't know how to give up on him either.

I kinda hope Samling is reading this, because her advice is the only kind that ever made sense. I need some sense in my life lately; I'm completely tongue-tied and unable to even make make basic decisions like "what should I eat today?" "should I wash my hair?".

So yeah. I don't know how long I'll be out of it, but some of you know that I've not been around very much lately. Now you know why. I can't even focus. I spend most of my time trying to escape reality by reading, staying away from booze (which means staying away from my friends who love booze), and staring at walls till I go to sleep.

Welcome to my personal hell.